Memories Never Forgotten
by SingingBlues
Summary: After long years of battle, the war was finally over. Lenalee had disappeared, and Allen waited by the gates, strongly believed that she would return one day, but as days went by, things started to change between him and Kanda. Yullen. AllenxLenalee.
1. It begins

Title: Memories Never Forgotten.

Pairing: Yullen. AllenxLenalee

Summary:

After long years of battle, the war was finally over. The Millennium Earl was dead, and the Noah clan had disappeared mysteriously. Lenalee had disappeared, and Allen waited by the gates, strongly believed that she would return one day, but as the days went by, he realised that things started to change between him and Kanda. Yullen. AllenxLenalee.

I do not own DGM D:

And sorry for the wrong usage of grammar and vocabulary DDD: correct me if there are any mistakes.

Chapter 1: It begins

The war that had last over decades and generations was finally over. The Millennium Earl was pronounced dead, and his city was destroyed. No akumas were sighted after the last battle, assumed that they were all eliminated. The Noah family had disappeared mysteriously into the air, like they had never existed in this world at all. All that remained was many corpses that the Black Order had to dispose.

The Black Organisation had suffered heavy casualties. Many Finders and Exorcists had died, 300 of them in total. Most bodies were burnt beyond recognition, and some could not be found. The headquarters were filled with families and relatives whose family member had joined the Black Order and perished in this battle. Now that the Earl was gone, the threat of turning them into akumas dropped to the minimum and Komui wanted them to see their family members once more before their bodies were cremated.

One of the Exorcists who was alive was none other than Allen Walker, who was also the one that killed the Millennium Earl by his own hands. Also known as the 'Time of Destroyer', who would be the one defeating the Earl in the end, Allen fulfilled the prophecy and ended this war. He should have died from the heavy strain on his Innocence and the one that lived on the other side of his world- the Musician, but the Noah decided to lend a hand and help them win this war. Thanks to the Fourteenth, Allen escaped his death, living on till today.

As he walked along the corridor, muffled cries and screams of anguish was heard everywhere, entering his ears. Many were hugging one another, grieving over their loved ones who were dead. Allen avoided looking at them and tried to focus straight on where he was going, but his heart wrenched greatly. He could not believe that this war, which started with an Innocence Cube and the Millennium Earl, could cause so many people dead. It hurt him so much as he could understand how they felt right now. This was how he felt when Mana had died, and when he turned Mana into an akuma by himself. This feeling was so great that he could feel his whole body splitting into two.

"Are you alright, Walker?" Allen turned to Link who was behind him. The secretary of that inspector had been following him since they returned from the battle in Edo. At that time, the Vatican had suspected him of being a betrayer, siding with the Fourteenth inside him and sent Howard Link to keep an eye on him. In the earlier days he hated moments, being spied and stared at every second. Everything he did was being recorded down. He had no privacy at all, like a bird that was trapped inside a cage. Everyday he had to live in fear, worrying on what the Vatican would deal with him and when the Fourteenth would be fully awaken and claimed this body as his own.

"I'm okay, Link." Allen spoke, not turning back to look at the other. But then, those days living in fear was over. He accepted the Fourteenth as part of him, and he was used to the older teen following behind him. Link just stared at Allen for a moment before he shrugged and averted his gaze elsewhere. The two of them walked round a bend before Allen stopped by a door. Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door and went in.

"Allen-kun, we have been waiting...for you." Allen nodded his head as three adults were present there. One was the supervisor of the headquarters, Komui Lee. Another was his secretary/right-hand man Reever Wenham and last but not least, Leverrier sitting on the couch. Allen cringed slightly at the presence of the inspector but none the less bowed down and sat down beside the adults. Komui sat up straight as he adjusted his glasses, taking a document in his hands.

"Go on, Komui Supervisor." Leverrier grunted impatiently. Allen then realised that he was gripping on to the sofa rather tightly, anxious on the news the Supervisor was going to deliver to him. The main purpose of meeting Komui was to affirm his worst suspicions on someone.

Someone that was very important to him.

"Allen-kun." Komui paused for a while as he cleared his throat. Then, rather reluctantly to speak, Komui continued, "Allen-kun, please...please don't be shocked when you hear this." Allen's heart skipped a beat as he could hear Komui's voice quavering very clearly. He could feel his stomach squeezing rather tightly, making him a little nauseous.

"What is it?" He tried to sound cool and calm, but the truth was, he was trying to control himself from crying. He had a bad feeling that it was affirmed.

"Lenalee has...disappeared."

* * *

Kanda Yuu peered at the flower in the hourglass resting at the corner of his room, shimmering in the darkness. The flower seemed to have shrunk and many petals had fallen. He did not know how many, just...this many. The light energy of the lotus was obviously dimming as he had used up quite an amount of powers just to defeat that Noah with the dark curls, known as Tyki Mikk. Damn, he just hated that curved wide grin spreading on his face. It just annoyed him greatly.

Kanda let out a soft snort as he turned to look at the sword that had accompanied him through the years as an Exorcist. Mugen, which also meant 'illusion', was his anti-akuma katana weapon. His Innocence was indirectly linked to the powers of the Lotus. In other words, it fed itself with the energy held inside the flower that was within him. The black curse had spread itself all over his chest and his shoulders with its black markings. At the corner of his eyes, there were already visible black lines, and he looked like a monster on the outside.

He was a monster to begin with anyway. This curse would not hold much longer and the beast that was locked inside him would be awakened once more. By that time, he would not be 'Kanda' anymore but another murderer that just killed people through like a piece of cake.

Like how he snapped and killed his whole clan in the village, having the urge to kill more to satisfy his bloody hunger of hatred in this world. Though he could not remember any times when he had changed, but he was sure that his hands were stained with blood of many innocents that he encountered. No matter how he cleaned his hands with water and soap, they would be filthy and stained forever.

At that time, someone came into his life and stopped his endless kill by placing a seal within his body, repressing the hunger generated inside him. When that beast was out, he was living in confusion, not knowing where he was and where he should go. His head hurt terribly and he wandered in the empty darkness endlessly. The only memory that he could remember was that he was lying on the ground in front of that person, his hand stained with blood and a sword clasped in his hands.

At that time, he knew that he had lost control of himself again.

"_Why didn't you kill me?"_

Till now he could not figure out why that person did not kill him right on the spot. Such a merciless and ruthless person should not have the right to live anymore, yet he let him go and left him a sentence.

"_It's destined that we will meet, and I'm sure that we will meet again, Kanda Yuu."_

* * *

At a barren land, a teenager stood there, feeling the warm breeze brushing past his face. His red scarf wrapping around his neck fluttered in the wind as he let out a loud sigh, peering at the sky. The red-haired teen had obviously grown quite a lot after the battle and the long red strands were over his shoulders. He peered at the research that he was supposed to find out and groaned softly, knowing that it would be a long day today.

His master, Bookman, had disappeared. Even he did not know where that old panda gramps had gone to. Maybe he was doing his duty as a member of a Bookman clan somewhere.

Well, he was one too in the first place. Now, he had come out, his identity known as 'Bookman'. He had forsaken his 49th name, which was nothing but an alias that marked his previous life in the Black Order. 'Lavi' had ceased to exist since the war ended, and he had abandoned his past to start a new life outside, continuing his journey as a 'Bookman'. Bookman did not need to have a heart or emotions. They were simply members that recorded important histories and events that happened in life; an outsider viewing the tragedies happening in this world.

He trembled a little as a cold gush of wind blew past. His hand gripped onto something and he realised that it was a small black hammer, which was known as 'Innocence', a crystal matter that he used to defeat the enemies that he had met when he was known as 'Lavi'. Memories came back to him once more and he could not help but smiled. It was one of his happy experiences being a Bookman at that time, having to know many friends and fighting together.

But that was in a past. 'Lavi' was not here anymore. It was history.

"Che, why am I thinking of this?" Lavi muttered as dust was swept up, swirling in the air together with the gust of wind. Lavi picked up the briefcase and stepped into the swirling winds.

* * *

Allen did not know how to react at this news. He just sat there, speechless, with a blank expression shown on his face. Komui looked at Allen worriedly when the boy just stared into space after hearing this news instead of having any reactions to the olive-haired girl's disappearance. It must have shocked him so much that the British teen did not know how to response to this. Thinking of his only kin having no news on her whereabouts gripped him as Komui started to break down once again, in the arms of his secretary Reever, who was consoling him. Leverrier just sat there with his eyes closed, nonchalant on this.

"Walker?" Everyone turned to stare at Allen who stood up suddenly.

"I...go out for a breather." Before anyone could say a word, Allen headed for the door and walked out of the room hastily, with Link following him behind.

Footsteps echoed across the room as Allen continued to walk on and on, not seeing what's ahead. He did not care whether he had bumped into anyone. He did not care the cries of Howard Link who was calling out to him. He just wanted to be alone, to be alone and register what Komui had said just now.

"_Lenalee has...disappeared."_

"How...Why...Lenalee..." Allen could not find suitable words to describe what he was feeling now. It was so confusing. Everything just jumbled up in his mind and he could not think properly. The white-haired teen then bumped into someone as the person's stuffs fell onto the ground. He mumbled an apology as he helped to collect his stuffs up and return them to him before he continued on his way, ignoring that person who just wanted to thank him personally. The pace turned into a run as Allen ran to the garden and sat down on a large patch of grass, staring at the light-blue sky.

His chest was heavy and tight that he was suffocating, and he was feeling so miserable that he wanted to cry, but tears just could not come out and the pain was trapped inside him, making him very unbearable. His hands touched the soft young grass sprouts as his eyes widened, remembering something.

This was the place where he and Lenalee came often. This girl loved flowers and greenery and she said that when the war was over, she would plant new seeds to the garden to add new life and colours to it. She said that everything that she had met was part of her world pieced together. Without them, she would not exist at all. Allen even remembered that he would always accompany her here to water the plants for that Supervisor who was tired and lazy to move his butt here and water himself.

He slammed his fist onto the grass. Damn, to think that he had forgotten the days here with Lenalee! Here was the only place where he and Lenalee could have their time together, without anyone disturbing them. Even Link did not come and disturb them even though he had duty to look after him for twenty four hours. Whenever they had the free time both of them would meet here and spend the whole day there, listening to nature around them. The garden was known as their 'space' , and their secrets would be shared there between themselves, promising each other not to tell anybody about this.

"Lenalee, where are you..." Allen muttered softly as he covered his face with his hand, blocking away the sunlight shining on his face. He was so tired.

Tired of fighting, tired of being spied on, and tired of waiting. When could he settle down and spend the rest of his days quietly, with his loved one living with him?

"You are noisy, moyashi." Allen stiffened as he realised that he was not alone. This voice was so familiar and his eye twitched, turning to where the person was.

Under the tree stood Kanda Yuu, who seemed to be resting after long hours of training. Allen looked away, wondering why Kanda had to arrive at such moments just to make him even more miserable. No doubt, that samurai must be here to mock at him for showing such a pathetic face in front of him.

Kanda, on the other hand, was a little surprised that Allen did not rebuke back about his name today. The raven male just che'ed as he sheathed Mugen. He knew why that boy was in his sulking mood, and he knew the main reason to why Allen was at his lowest.

"Che. Are you moping in a corner over Lenalee's disappearance?"

Allen looked at Kanda, an astonished look on his face, but what shocked him the most was that Kanda seemed so relaxed even though one of his conrades had disappeared out of the blue. That cold tone did not even express his concerns on Lenalee at all.

"You sound nonchalant on this, Kanda. Aren't you concerned in Lenalee's whereabouts at all?" Allen asked sardonically, giving him a look. Kanda just shrugged in reply.

"Even if Lenalee has disappeared, there is no need to waste time mourning on this." Allen shot Kanda a glare at his comment, his fist clenched as his anger surged. How could...how could Kanda speak such cold-hearted words in front of him? That was Lenalee, his friend That was what Allen hated about Kanda- his arrogance, his snobbish behaviour and his dealing of things without any sympathy for others. That man was just as cold as ice, and he wasted no time grieving for others.

"I can't believe that you can say this out of your mouth. Don't you think before you speak, Kanda?"

"At least I do not give a pathetic look like you, moyashi." Allen inhaled deeply as he closed his eyes, controlling himself from punching Kanda right in his face. He turned to leave, not wanting to stay here any longer. It would do no good on the both of them arguing on like this, and for the first time, he was sick of bickering on and on with Kanda.

"Moyashi." Kanda called out for Allen, but he did not reply. The samurai frowned as he walked towards him in big paces and caught up with him. Allen was halted abruptly as something was gripping on his wrist tightly.

"What are you doing?" Allen glared at him, but Kanda did not seem to be affected by his piercing stare as he turned back to where the field was, pulling the boy along with him. Allen winced as he whimpered in pain, struggling to get his hand free of his grasp, but the grip grew tighter and next, Allen was pushed to the wide field once again. The boy rubbed his aching wrist before he faced the samurai, who was across him.

"What do you want this time? I am in no mood to fight with you." Allen spoke coldly, but Kanda just stared at him, an expressionless look on his face as he unsheathed Mugen and pointed its sharp tip towards Allen.

"Fight me."

Allen was baffled at this. Seriously he really did not have the mood to spar with him. What was Kanda thinking?

"What?"

"I said, fight me. Use your Innocence and fight me." Kanda spoke with a determined tone. Allen just frowned.

"I don't understand what you are implying to me, Kanda-"

"If you don't fight," Kanda spoke as he moved his hand and the blade was just at his eye level. "Your life ends here."

Allen stared at the Japanese male's eyes and realised that Kanda was getting serious here. His fists were clenched as he activated his Innocence on the spot. A white coat descended onto his shoulders as he moved his black claws and charged towards the raven-haired teen.

"If this is what you want, Kanda, I will fight you!" Allen hissed angrily as he vented all his anger and frustrations by his attacks on Kanda. He just snapped immediately and he did not know what he was doing at that time. The only aim in him was to hit the samurai hard and defeat him, for saying such hurtful words to Lenalee, for provoking him, because he just plainly deserved this! Every attack forced Kanda to move backward as Allen continued slashing all he could. The samurai hissed softly as he used Mugen's blade to block the attacks, but Allen's forceful attacks just prevented him to go on the offensive. Suddenly there was a sound of fabric tear as Allen finally stopped his wild attacks, staring at the deep gash on Kanda's left arm, stunned. Kanda thus made use of this and in a split second, Mugen was pointing at the white-haired teen's throat threateningly.

"You lose, moyashi."

"But, your arm!" Kanda looked down to where Allen was pointing and realised that he was injured. He grunted as he just shrugged off like nothing had happened, sheathing his sword.

"It's nothing."

"I'm sorry." Kanda looked up and gave a puzzled look.

"What did you say?"

"I'm sorry, Kanda. Because of me, you...you..."

"Che. Stop whining like a baby." Allen stared at the other, startled. Kanda straightened his exorcist coat as he let down his long raven hair, deciding to retie it back again. Allen just stared at the long silky strands travelling to his back as Kanda was tying his hair up into a long ponytail again. Allen fidgeted awkwardly and looked away when he realised that he was staring at Kanda for too long and the other was staring back at him.

"Why did you want to spar with me, Kanda? Why?" Somehow, Allen felt weird when Kanda was treating him...this way. He rather wanted him to scold him and shoot hurtful words to him, that he was weak, useless, acting like a child etc.

Maybe he felt more uncomfortable when Kanda treated him coldly, like in the usual days. He closed his eyes, ready for a string of mocking words and sneering to be aimed straight at his face, but instead, the raven-haired teen just spoke plainly.

"Do you feel better now?" Allen just blinked, unsure of what he had heard just now.

"What?"

"I say, do you feel better now?" Allen stared at Kanda for a while before he realised what he really meant. He looked at himself and felt that his chest was not as heavy as before. His headache was ceasing and he felt better. The younger teen's eyes widened as he had understood his real intention. Kanda did not want to fight with him at all. It was just a way to de-stress oneself. By concentrating on fighting, he would not think of other things, and by venting out his strength on the opponent, he also vented out the unbearable stress and frustrations trapped inside him.

Was...Kanda worried about him? Concerned about him? But never mind about this, because he felt utterly warmed in his heart that he was finally being noticed, by the one that did not respect him in the first place. Allen could not help but smiled.

"Thank you, Kanda."

"Huh?" Kanda just gave him a bewildered look, but before he reacted, Allen had grabbed his wrist and was checking on the injury. The samurai winced and hissed under his teeth by the sudden grab and glared at the boy, wanting to snap at him, but Allen's words cut him as the younger teen spoke, "Kanda, you need to go to the infirmary and treat your injury!"

"Che. This puny injury will not affect me one bit." Allen sighed. He knew that Kanda would give this type of answer. That raven-haired samurai acted like a stubborn mule sometimes.

"Then at least let me attend to your injury, Kanda." Allen spoke gently, looking at him with gentle eyes. Kanda's eyes just widened in astonishment for a moment before he cleared his throat and grunted, averting his gaze somewhere.

"Che. Do what you want."

* * *

"Inspector, what are you going to do with him?"

"Him?" Leverrier spoke softly as he leaned against his chair, staring outside the window, seeming to be admiring the view outside. Soft taps were heard as the Inspector was tapping his feet lightly, humming a tune to himself.

"Though the war is over, but he is still here."

"He?" Leverrier spoke in a calm tone, again. He turned his chair as it spun slowly to the front, facing the secretary who was standing at the front of his desk, waiting for further instruction. The man smiled as he took out the cigarette from his mouth and blew the smoke out in circles. Link just raised his eyebrow slightly, wondering what he was thinking. It was hard to guess what Leverrier's next moves were.

"He is the only one who is successful from the previous case that the Vatican had closed long ago. The Third Exorcist."

"Don't worry." Link was a little startled when the Inspector replied rather quickly.

"Excuse me, but please enlighten me." Leverrier's wide grin never left his face as he spoke in a cold but deadly tone.

"When the time is up, we will eliminate him."

========  
Read and review, please? :D


	2. Memories in the rain

Hey sorry for the late update! Today is the starting day of my two-month holidays and I just have the sudden urge to update, so there you are. A chapter delicated to all of you readers who have read and reviewed my story! Thank you all!

If this story is progressing rather slowly, I would like to apologise to all of you for this, but every part of the plot has a meaning as the story progresses, so just bear with me for a while.  
If you have any questions regarding this current chapter, or if you like to give me some ideas, or you think that some parts of this chapter is rather weird, feel free to leave behind a message. I will surely reply in a day or two! :D

And, sorry for the spelling, vocabulary and grammar mistakes! I just do not have the tendency to recheck what I have written, but no worries, I would just at least once before posting! Thank you all once again! Please read and review at the end! :D

Disclaimer: I do not own D Gray man ...I don't even remember owning any anime that I have watched :/

(Full summary in the first chapter)

* * *

Allen winced as he touched the throbbing left eye that had been twitching for the whole afternoon. The dark matter inside wiggled greatly inside the eye socket, like something was arousing it, but he did not know what it was. The cursed eye that could reveal the akuma's dark side did not activate but just jolted slightly. Allen stood up and looked out of the window, wondering whether there was any akuma in the vicinity that caused his eye to react like this, but after second thoughts, it was almost impossible, as the war was already over and all the enemies were destroyed. Sighing, he returned back to his bed where there was a photo book lying on the bed. The teen felt the old pages as there was a photo of him and the rest of the people he knew in the Black Order.

There was a picture of him and Lavi taken in the library. The red-haired teen was giving a rather goofy grin as he was ruffling his white hair, acting like a big brother. Allen smiled as he missed the days laughing and sharing jokes with this bookman junior.

Now, it looked like he could hardly meet Lavi again, now that he had left, to become a Bookman, one that wandered around the world collecting history records.

Another picture was taken in the cafeteria. It was the only picture of him and Jerry, the kitchen cook. The white-haired teen loved his delicacies and he decided to take a photo with him to commemorate this.

Next to this picture was him with two Exorcists that he knew during his journey on finding his master. They were Arystar Krory and Miranda Lotto. Both were shy and clumsy, but because of Krory's inquisitiveness and Miranda's blunder through things, it brought up the atmosphere of the Order as everyone enjoyed their company.

But, they were not here anymore. During the war, both of them sacrificed themselves in order to protect their friends who were important to them, but they would always live within everyone's heart, and his too, as his very best friends.

Allen's finger jerked slightly as it turned to the next picture, which was a picture of Lenalee and him. It was taken during one of their mission, when they were in Paris. In coincidence, they had passed by the Eiffel Tower and he insisted to take a photo to show that they had come here before. Allen's fingers travelled through the smooth plastic on the photo book before he focused on the next picture quickly. He gasped as his breathing slowed, holding his breath.

It was another picture of him and Lenalee, and the photo was taken at the rooftop of the Black Order. On that day, he had confessed to the olive-haired girl and the girl accepted his confession, having the same feelings in return. It was the day that marked the starting of their relationship as they spent the rest of the day hiding at the roof from Komui, who had sister-complex, not wanting anyone to come near his precious sister. They stayed there till late of the night, watching the shimmering small stars in the night sky, twinkling silently.

That night was the best time he had ever had with Lenalee. Allen's hand clenched as tears started welling up his eyes. He gritted his teeth as he swiped off the tears from his eyes and walked out of the room hastily. He walked till the Ark's gate could be seen as he stopped his pace and just stared at the white door, hoping that someone would appear in front of him immediately. The boy sat down at a corner as his gaze never left the entrance of the Ark, looking longingly.

At a very far corner of the corridor stood Link, who was watching the boy sitting there, not doing anything. He let out a sigh as he continued to look after that boy. It had been days since Allen always arrived here at the same time, waiting for her to return. The secretary just closed his eyes before he took a chair and found himself a place to sit down, not intending to disturb that boy.

* * *

Kanda took his belongings with him as he went out of a room, having finished his usual routine checks with the doctors and scientists. Now that the war was gone, the Science department was thinking of ways to remove his curse embalmed on his chest. The shimmering lotus was held in his hands carefully as he turned around the bend. The white Ark was in view as the raven-haired teen turned to look at the transportation before looking down to see someone sitting there as usual. Kanda's pace slowed as he stopped by the railings, observing that particular beansprout in a distance.

"Idiot." He muttered. Everyone was just a bunch of idiots. He knew very well himself that this curse could never be lifted without that person, and the chance that Lenalee had...passed away was very high. She had been missing for the last six months and no one knew when they last saw this girl. The battle was so chaotic at that time. Everyone was spread out, some running, while others were fighting. This still remained a mystery. Maybe the girl was dead, or she might have been taken away by the Noah family, and just disappeared.

He continued to stare at the white-haired teen, wondering why he was not leaving and was standing here instead. Maybe he was just bored, and wanted to look around, but that might be his excuse only. He grunted as he frowned. To think that he was worrying for that dumb moyashi...was he going crazy? There were more people waiting to show their concerns to him, and who cared whether he was going to die of lovesickness or something? He...He did not even give a damn on him! At this thought Kanda groaned, rubbing his face in frustration.

"Ouch..." Allen muttered as he felt his left eye which was throbbing again. He looked around, wondering whether something caught his eye's attention. Maybe it was an akuma lurking in the Order in disguise, waiting for the right moment to kill them? At this thought Allen stood up immediately, searching high and low for suspicious-looking person. Link raised his eyebrow as Allen's actions caught his attention. As Allen turned behind to where the railings were, he just gasped as Kanda stood there, looking at him.

"Kanda?"

"Che." Was all Kanda said before he turned and walked away, his dark blue ponytail slapping to the left side of his shoulders as the tall figure disappeared. Allen just stared at the other's back view blankly as he blinked, rubbing his forehead in bewilderment. Sensing that nothing had happened, Link returned to his reading.

"Why was Kanda here? And why was he looking at me?" Allen mumbled as he pondered. There was something in that older teen that bugged him-the gaze in Kanda's eyes seemed to be telling him something; something that he needed to know, but yet he could not figure out what that was. And it was Kanda Yuu that we are talking about. That samurai hardly opened up his thoughts to anyone, not even to General Tiedoll, who treated him as his own son, though Kanda did not want to admit that he had a dad. Allen shrugged off that feeling as he looked at the clock across, realising that it was already this late. The boy then straightened his clothing and proceeded to the cafeteria.

* * *

"Supervisor. Supervisor." A voice was calling out as Komui's hand jerked and the cup of coffee fell onto the ground, shattered. Everyone just gasped as the dark brown liquid travelled through the papers on the ground. The dazed Chinese man blinked for a while before he stood up, staring at the shattered pieces.

"Komui Supervisor..." Reever spoke slowly, worried for him. Komui slowly bended down and picked up the broken pieces. As the trembling fingers touched the sharp edges, the Chinese man hissed softly as blood oozed out of the small cut at his index finger.

"Supervisor, we will clean up for you, so please..."

"Lenalee's cup..." He murmured.

"What?" Reever asked, not hearing what he said.

"Lenalee's cup..." Everyone stayed solemn, not saying anything. One of the science helper, Johnny, could not bear with this anymore and started to weep. Komui continued to stare, his eyes filled with tears before beads of them fell. Reever walked up to him and squeezed his shoulders gently and firmly, telling Komui silently that everyone would be with him. Komui sniffed as he burst into tears. It was the first time everyone saw this man cry. Komui always put a smile on his face whenever he was addressing his subordinates. Sometimes he just gave them nothing but loads of trouble, but this time, he broke down.

The thick, brown liquid continued to follow the trail of the stone tiles on the floor, getting lesser as it was being sucked up by the material of the papers on the ground. The broken pieces of the rabbit picture on the cup were scattered around, torn.

_"Everyone, I have brought coffee to freshen all of you up." Everyone just looked at the olive-haired girl with tearful eyes as they threw the papers that they had gathered up into the air before rushing to her to get a cup._

_"H-Hey hey hey, what are all of you doing?!? Do you know that it took me so many hours to organise them?!? Didn't you know?! Didn't you all know?!?"_

_"..."_

_"Hey, listen to me! Everyone!"_

_"..."_

_"H-E-L-L-O, can anyone please reply to meeee?"_

_"Nii-san, your coffee." Lenalee spoke as she smiled, handing him the familiar pink cup with the rabbit picture. Komui just stared at her for a while before he smiled and took over the cup._

"Her hand...when I was taking the cup from her, her hand was...extremely warm; so warm that my hand which was on hers did not feel as cold as before. She is like the sun shining in the sky, showering everyone with the warmth that we need." Komui spoke softly, feeling his hand, trying to remember that warm sensation on his skin, but all he felt was coldness and distantness that could freeze him instantly.

He looked up, tears still remained in his eyes. He inhaled deeply as he stared at the dull view outside the window.

* * *

"It's rather cold these days." Allen mumbled as he blew warm air to his cold hands, warming them up as he stared at the empty white sky. A gentle but chilling breeze blew past as he trembled slightly, rubbing himself to generate more warm. As he breathed out warm air just escaped and dissipated into the cold air. It was late September, and the leaves started to wither and die, fluttering onto the dirty ground.

Leaves of yellow and brown were spread all over the garden as a petal of sakura petal landed on his hand. Allen just stared at it and realised how beautiful it was. The pinkish-white matter shook slightly before it was carried away by the wind again. The trees swayed as the leaves rustled, and sakura petals twirled in circles with the wind, like the last petal dance. The younger teen just stared in awe at this stunning view. Time slowly ticked by as the boy just stood there, absorbed by this spectacular view.

He wished that Lenalee was here to watch this. He knew that this girl loved sakura a lot, and she wanted to dance under the falling petals of the sakura one day. He was sure that she would be the most beautiful girl in the world if she was here, dancing under the flying petals of the light-pink flower.

But...but...

Allen just sighed as he turned away and leaned against the cold stone pillar, staring at the walls in front. He slowly forced himself to smile before he felt something wet rolling down his cheeks and realised that he was crying again.

A sakura petal fluttered across in front of his eyes, and the time seemed to slow down as the petal bypassed his sight, glittering. Allen's eyes gradually went wide as he saw a blurry image of Lenalee standing ahead, smiling at him.

"Le..nalee..." Allen murmured, his gaze still fixed upon the faint figure. He took a step slowly as his hand slowly stretched out towards her. As the distance between them shortened, Lenalee suddenly faded like mist and disappeared, dissipating into the air around him. He stopped as he just stared at the position where she was before tears came back again, flooding his eyes. The surrounding around him was silent as he could hear the sound of the tears landing on the cold ground, one by one.

There was no one around at that time. As the cold wind continued to blow by, it made the whole place feel so solemn and heavy. He just gripped onto his collar-shirt, breathing heftily.

"Moyashi." Allen stiffened as he heard a familiar voice calling him. He cleared his throat as he quickly rubbed off the tears, putting that fake smile on his face.

Kanda, on the other side, just frowned. He knew that he was pretending again. How many times must he cry quietly in a corner like this? Kanda sighed as he looked around. It seemed like Link was not around. The white-haired teen must have run out by his own again.

"U-Uh...hi Kanda." Allen muttered as he briefly looked at him before he stared at the floor. The raven-haired samurai stopped in front of him as the both of them were silent, not saying anything to each other. Kanda's hand slowly reached out, wanting to touch the boy's cold cheeks, but then he stopped halfway and decided to drop the idea, standing beside him. He slowly leaned his head on the cold wall as he breathed out heavily, staring at the ceiling. Allen just remained at his current position.

"Where's that stalker?"

"I left him behind." Allen spoke plainly.

"Are you sure it is appropriate?" Allen sighed as he relaxed.

"I want to be alone, thus I left him behind. I know that no matter what I say, he would follow me wherever I go. I cannot blame him. Orders have to be followed." Kanda's eye twitched slightly at this sentence.

"I see." Allen just turned and looked at Kanda. The older teen's eyes were closed as the samurai seemed to be deep in thoughts. He noticed that Kanda's face was skinner than before. He wondered whether he had gotten enough rest after the war. Something caught his eye as he noticed some curvy lines at the side of his eyes. His hand was about to touch it when something gripped on his wrist.

"Don't...touch there." Allen's eyes widened, astonished.

"Why?" Kanda slowly lowered the boy's hand and released it, looking away.

"Nothing. Just...don't touch there." Allen just stared at the other before he turned and stared at the front. Even though the bickering and arguing between them had lessened, but he still felt rather distant with Kanda. The raven teen was very mysterious, and he could not help but wondered how many secrets he had not revealed to anyone, like the lotus curse on his chest for example, and it seemed like the black matter on his chest had spread further to his shoulders and his upper arm.

"It's beautiful." Allen spoke softly, staring out at the scenery once more.

"What?"

"The sakura. Those flowers...they are just simply beautiful." Kanda turned and looked at the pink petals hovering to the ground.

"Like Lenalee..." Though it was no more than a whisper, Kanda had heard it very clearly. That silly boy had been grieving again, for the one that he loved deeply.

He sighed as he was pondering what Allen had said just now.

Beautiful? No, they were just simply things that deceived people by their false fronts. Humans were just too naive and innocent, believing in things such as beauty. Whenever there was beauty, there would be a side of ugliness accompanied.

He thought that nothing in this world was beautiful. Nothing.

It was hard to believe that there were such things that contained beauty anymore. Even if they were beautiful, everything would be ruined by the Millennium Earl's plans as he turned everything that he had set eyes on into nightmare, one by one.

"Kanda?" Allen's words jolted him back to reality as Kanda turned to look at him.

He had a blank look in his eyes. Allen flinched a little. The emptiness shown all over him just gave him the shudders. He could not help but wandered why Kanda did not show the emotional side of him.

Like, he did not want anyone to get close to him. Allen leaned closer against the stone pillar, chasing away this cold feeling.

For once, he would like to understand more about Kanda. Understand what he was thinking, understand how he felt, understand why he would show that cold look to anyone that he encountered in his life. Instead of being frightened by his emotions, Allen was curious, and wanted to seek out more about that raven-haired samurai.

_"Kanda," the tall figure stopped and turned around, showing the most unsympathetic look glowing in his eyes. Allen cringed at this as he continued, "...is your name right?"_

_"Nice to meet you. My name is Allen Walker."_

_Kanda just continued to stare(or rather, glare) at him before he spoke coldly, "Do I look like I'm going to shake hands with someone who is cursed?"_

At their first encounter, that teen had shown much disdain over his personality and his looks, especially the red cursed eye that he had. He said that he would abandon his comrades if they were a burden to him. He spoke with unfeeling tone that he would do anything to guarantee the safety of the Innocence that they had to retrieve. He did not care about others' feelings. To him, they were unnecessary.

He would fight all the way he could to defeat the enemy, even if it meant sacrificing his life in return, he did not care.

This was what Allen admired him for. His determination and making decisions without any hesitation, even if the outcomes were cruel. He just carried out what he was supposed to do. He could control his emotions very well, masking that indifferent look on his face as he faced the enemy and the victims. If he was him, he could not do that. The screaming and begging of the chained souls viewed by his eye already pained him till he could not breathe.

Well, blamed it on his kindness and caring towards the coldest beast that he could find. He would feel pity for them and try all ways to make them feel better.

"Che. I'm leaving."

"Eh?" Allen turned to Kanda who was walking away, gradually disappearing into the darkness ahead. He opened his mouth slightly, wanting to call out for him, but no words came out. He sighed as he closed his mouth and stared in the distance.

* * *

Kanda closed the door quietly behind him as he clutched his left chest, grimacing. Heavy breaths could be heard around the room as the raven-haired samurai's gaze travelled to the flower resting on the table. His eyes widened as a petal fell onto the bottom of the hourglass, withered seconds later. He let out a gruff snort as he struggled to his bed and fell onto the white sheets, having no more strength as he winced. More black veins grew out of the dark curse as the whole black matter was all over his left chest and his shoulders, travelling down his left arm.

There was no time left for him. The curse still continued to drain his energy away slowly, and though he did not want to admit, he felt his strength gradually weakening. He could not do much for his usual training, and long walks made him tired easily nowadays. The samurai sat up tiredly as he stared at the window panes in his room. It looked as if he was being locked up in a cage here. He smirked.

How ironic. He stood up and slowly walked there, touching the cold metal slightly.

_"Let me out! Let me out!" He roared and snarled at anyone who was near him, bearing his teeth in anger. The stench here just made him sick._

_"He is currently not in his mental state."_

_"Anyone can understand. He is borne without any emotions programmed with him."_

_"For now, we continue with the experiment. There is a high chance that he will succeed, seeing the previous results."_

Kanda sighed as he stared at the moon.

_"Why am I here? Let me out! Let me out!"_

It was very white and round today.

_"I hate this! I loathe every living thing in this sinful world! I want...to KILL!"_

He shut his eyes.

_Gurgling screams and shrills filled the empty building._

His fists were slowly clenched.

_He was tied up in metal chains, to prevent him from escaping. People just crowded around him in white, whispering silently to one another._

_Someone came in, with a flower in his hand. For the first time, he stopped struggling and just stared at the shining one, stunned. It was pink with a little white at the edges of the petals. He had never seen such beautiful flower before...or did he? But never did he realise that..._

"Kanda!" Kanda snapped out of his thoughts as he looked at the black golem where the voice came from. It was from Reever.

"Kanda, Komui Supervisor wants to see you at his office now." Kanda closed his eyes and sighed as he opened the door and walked out of the room. The flower lay there silently as one petal slowly detached from the flower and fell onto the ground.

He walked along the silent corridor. The surrounding was so silent that he could only hear his heavy footsteps by his tall boots. He could not help but grunted in frustration. Though he liked the silence now, but every now and then, he felt weird all over. Normally there were many people bypassing here, but now, there was hardly anyone here beside himself. He moved his stiff neck to loosen its muscles as he turned around a bend, walking along a wider corridor. There, in front of him, was the Ark's gates. His gaze followed the white edges of the structure before he stopped, finding himself staring at it.

It just brought many memories back to him, making him a little nostalgic. Kanda's eyes narrowed a little as he saw the familiar blonde-haired teen looking around, seemed to be looking for someone. He closed his eyes and sighed.

He wondered what Allen might be doing at this time. Somehow, he was worried about his current condition. Though his appetite had recovered a little, but he still looked extremely pale. His skin was sagging and he had eyebags, like a dying zombie.

Wait, why did he even care anyway? This feeling irritated him even more as Kanda gripped on the sheath of Mugen tighter, continuing to walk towards Komui's office. The echoes of the small breeze tickled his ear. He stopped as the door of that supervisor was in front of him. He sighed again as he knocked the door and went in.

* * *

Leverrier shifted his spectacles slightly on his nose as he approached a black tower, knocking on the door lightly with the back of his knuckles. He flipped the papers in his hand as he read the details inside, deep in concentration that he did not seem to notice a slight creak as the black door slowly opened.

"Inspector Leverrier."

The tall male loosened his collar tie as he turned to the person standing behind the door and nodded his head, entering. The surroundings were dim as the small flames lit on the small candles at the sides of the walls flickered lightly. The person in white robes bowed to the inspector once more as he gestured for him to follow, but the other did not seem to notice this as his gaze was fixed on the papers.

It was so dark, and quiet, that the sound of footsteps could only be heard. Drops of water from the ceiling could be heard occasionally as they stopped. The person in white robes muttered something under his breath as the place shook slightly, a door opened. They entered the room.

It was different from the surroundings that they had passed by just now. There were more lights, and machineries were everywhere. More people with similar white robes were doing their assigned tasks. Sounds of signals could be heard from the machineries present and tools were seen lying around, like a surgery room. Everyone seemed to be very busy with their assigned tasks until someone clapped his hands did they stop and looked at Leverrier, who was standing at the entrance.

"Inspector Leverrier." Everyone spoke as they bowed. Leverrier looked up from his reading and just merely nodded his head. The door behind him closed with a soft thud as he stepped in, looking around, seemed to be inspecting the area. Everyone did not move as they stood in straight lines, waiting for his further instructions.

"Give me the latest reports on him, Jeremy." Leverrier said. One raised his hand and nodded his head as he approached the table and took a file, handing over to him. The man just cleared his throat and stared at the writings. His frown did not seem to cease as his eyes narrowed a little, deep in concentration. Something bubbled while some other weird sounds were heard in the enclosed room. The atmosphere was rather tense as the inspector's face expression seemed to be cringing as he read on further.

"Did you hand the extra copy of these reports to Komui?"

"Yes, according to your instructions, Inspector Leverrier." Leverrier just merely nodded his head once again.

"Inspector, all is well when we study him, but we notice that the power of the seal is reminiscing. It has obviously been proven in these reports. There is no mistake."

Leverrier nodded his head, again.

"Signs of its awakening are visible. What should we doing, Inspector?"

Leverrier knitted his eyebrow as the grip on the papers tightened. The side of the papers where his hand was grasping was crumpling slightly.

"We have no choice. Keep an eye on him, and make sure he does not do anything strange. Since he is special from the rest, we must not underestimate him." Everyone nodded their heads as Leverrier walked out of the room and followed the one who led him here earlier till they reached the final exit. As he stepped out once again, he looked at the dull grey sky. Thunder boomed as the thick grey clouds travelled across the wide sky, with the accompaniment of the wind. His eyes furrowed with worry as he headed for the headquarters.

Something made him tense and anxious, though he did not know what that might be.

* * *

Allen stared at the dull horizon at the top of the roof. Every time, whenever he wanted to be alone, he would find himself at the rooftop or at the garden, clearing away those hazy thoughts that distracted his mind for the day. This time, he chose to sit at the rooftop, though he did not know why. He glanced at the travelling grey clouds in the sky from far as thunder crackled. The gust of wind howled and whistled in loud screeches to his ears, but yet he did not seem to mind the loud frequency of the sounds as he continued to stare into the grey space, drowned into thoughts.

Within moments, drops of rain started to fall, descending onto the earth with its tears. The Black Order flag flipped left and right strongly as the rain was getting heavier, yet he did not show any signs of leaving. The water streamed down his pale face as Allen opened his lips slightly, warm breaths escaping.

He did not know why he was not leaving yet. His body trembled from the cold, his body soaked wet. His white hair was damp as it drooped onto his shoulders, yet he did not want to leave. He felt like staying here for a while longer, having the accompaniment of the rain. Somehow, he liked this sensation.

It was like, though the rain could not speak, it understood what he was feeling right now, and for the first time, he liked rain.

In the earlier days, he did not like the presence of rain at all. You could not do much things outside, and it always spoilt the mood for happy occasions. Everyone felt gloomy, affected by its cryings outside. Most of all, it would bring back memories that you did not want to remember.

And he did remember. On that day, Mana died.

It was drizzling rather than raining, but he just classified this as raining, because it was the same to him. On that day, his foster father died. He left him abruptly, to him, and he told him that no matter what happened, he must look forward, never to look back and review on the past. That night, the sky was very dark as it started to drizzle. Taps of the droplets falling from the broken roof were heard. The light on the candle flickered as a bright, white light flashed across the sky.

He could hear his last breath and feel the soft thumping of his heart before everything came to a standstill. He knew this. He knew that he was very well dead, but yet he kept shaking him hardly, calling out for him loudly, covering the booms of thunder. He denied the fact that he was not here anymore, believing that he was just sleeping from a tired day today. He thought that this might be some kind of a joke that the circus people had invented.

He tried to laugh. His hoarse voice croaked through the cold surroundings till his throat hurt, but he could not seem to think that this was funny at all.

It was not even funny. It was scaring him.

To him, it was as if the theatre was showing a horror movie in front of his eyes, just that it was happening, right now.

_"Mana...Mana...Mana..."_ He sobbed as tears filled his eyes and streamed down uncontrollably. He silently prayed to god not to let him die on him. He was not ready yet. Not yet, but what came next was even worst than this.

_"How dare you...turn me into an akuma, Allen?!!!!!?"_ Allen shifted backward immediately, looking at the grey skeleton in fear. What had he done?

_"Now, you belong to me, Mana Walker. Kill this boy in front of you immediately and claim his body!" The Millennium Earl's voice cracked with glee. The akuma was shaking vigorously, feeling the rage and anger overflowing him till he was going crazy. Blinded by the hatred within him, he lunged for him._

_"Allen, how dare you turn your father into a monster?!? Curse you, Allen!" Allen gave a sharp cry as he was thrown backward, his back crashing onto the tombstone. He winced as blood was filling his left eye. His chest was so heavy that he thought he might sink down deep into the earth. His heart hurt so much that he thought that it was ripped apart. His body hurt everywhere, and fatigue gripped him._

_"Mana...why..."_ Many questions filled his mind, and his vision was getting hazy. He did not know why Mana had treated him like this. He thought that Mana loved him, cared for him, yet...yet...

Suddenly a green glow of light flashed instantly between them. The akuma howled as it covered itself from the glare. Before Allen could register what was going on here, his left hand turned into a big, long metal arm, and it was approaching the akuma furiously, having the urge to devour his presence by its powers. Allen cried out in pain as he was being dragged along the rough surface.

When he looked up, he realised that it was too late.

"N-No, no! Run away, Mana! Run away! MANA!"

A cold gust of wind blew across the graveyard as the dirt travelled on the ground. Time seemed to stop as he gradually approached him.

"Allen,"

He could not bear with it anymore and screamed. Everything ended soon after as the surrounding was silent, once again.

_"I love you."_

* * *

This chapter is rather long as I have spent almost two - three hours typing and thinking of the progression of the story plot at the same time. Again, if you have any opinions regarding this story, feel free to leave me a message :) I might post another chapter again two-three days later, so please read and review! I really need opinions to how I can improve my story! Thank you all again!

Just a random statement: I feel like changing my username to ratedbubbles. Dunno, it just sounds random :/

And just a question to all. Does Komui's working office have a window? It sounds kinda weird, but I just add in to this chapter. Sorry again if this chapter sounds crappy, but I love it :)

Love,  
SingingBlues


	3. Never meant to belong

Like I have promised everyone, this is chapter 3 dedicated to all who have read, and review this story! I think this chapter comes out very well, so hope you all enjoy it! :D

Rated T for a little angst.

This chapter is more on the thoughts of Allen, and a little on Kanda and Komui as well.

_Disclaimer: I do not own DGM_

* * *

-

"You are here Kanda-kun. Please take a seat." Komui said. Kanda nodded his head as he sat on the couch across Komui, resting his katana at the side of the table in front of him, crossing his long legs and folding his arms. Komui looked at the teenager, surprised that he did not ask anything regarding this meeting now. Instead, Kanda just closed his eyes and relaxed himself, loosening the frown at his eyebrows. He then shook his head and continued on his talking.

"So, Kanda-kun, I have the latest reports regarding your health."

Kanda just opened his left eye slightly, staring at the Chinese man before letting out a slow yawn, moving his mouth muscles. Komui frowned a little. Though this was not the first time they were meeting each other, but seriously, wasn't Kanda worried about his current condition?

"Spit it out, Komui." Kanda spoke coldly. Komui nodded his head as he continued, "So, about the reports on your health, I have bad news for you."

Kanda just nodded his head in slow motions, obvious that he was bored with this. Komui could not take this anymore and just waved the document in the air, trying to catch the raven-haired samurai's attention.

"Kanda-kun! Can you just listen to me for a while? This is regarding your life at stake!"

"So what if it is?" Kanda spoke plainly, staring at the other with his icy stare, getting serious all of a sudden. Komui just leaned backward slightly, startled by his sudden change of behaviour. He just fidgeted uncomfortably under his close stare glued on him as he turned to the document on his hand. He then realised what Kanda was saying previously and looked at him in shock.

"Kanda-kun, you-"

"So what if that is...right?" Kanda repeated his previous answer, showing no signs of emotions. He grunted softly as he shifted slightly from his position, facing partially to the left, giving a nonchalant look. Seriously, he was just wasting his time here, listening to all these nonsense. He knew very well himself on how his body was functioning. He did not want anyone to lecture on this. It just annoyed him greatly.

"But, Kanda-kun, your body would not be able to take it! Once again, you will lose control! This is just the matter of time before it happens, and you should know the consequences when this happens! You have experienced that before, right?"

Actually, he did not really have a memory when he had gone berserk. He just vaguely saw blood splattered everywhere, poisoning his sight with filth and disgust. Those memories were hazy, and he did not have a clear view on what was going on.

"So, what if that is? Do you have a solution to solve this?" Kanda asked. Komui did not utter a word as he just sat there, silent. Kanda sighed as he stood up.

"I knew that these stupid meetings about my current body are just useless. I know myself. I know that there is no absolute way for me to recover without having to go through _that _process, so just don't waste time and effort on me. You should spend more time figuring out where your sister is." Komui's eyes widened, surprised as he knew very well what Kanda was implying. The supervisor just stoned there for a moment before a sheepish laugh escaped from his lips.

"Having being disappeared for 6 months, the Black Order has already pronounced her dead, so there is simply no reason for me to find her anymore." Kanda turned to face him abruptly, giving a shock but piercing glare.

"What did you say? The Black Order pronounced her dead? How did you even know? That damn fucking body has not been found yet, and you just abandoned the thought of finding her?!? Damn it Komui! I cannot believe that you are her brother! Lenalee must be blind having a timid brother who is acting like a fucking coward!"

These strings of words hit him hardly, and he was fighting against the urge to hit Kanda right in his face. Did he want this way? Being her brother, he wanted more than anything to rush out of this hell place and search for her! It was as if he wanted to admit that he could not do anything, having to accept this stupid fact that his sister was dead!

Komui clenched his fist, furious.

He was angry, not at Kanda, but himself. Those words that Kanda threw at him hit him hardly, as realisation hit him. He realised that he was not acting what a brother should do. A brother should take care of his younger siblings and perform his duties no matter what situations they were in. When the younger brother or sister was in danger, he had to protect them, because he was his or her brother. No matter what happened, he must not abandon them.

From the day he let go of her hand, he had regretted. He could still vividly remember her desperate cries for her only brother, as she was dragged away by the Order's members. He could have rushed to her and grabbed her wrist, running as fast as they could, and as far as they could, to any places where they could not find them, and continued with their lives, but he just stood there, stunned, and trembling with fear when he encountered the towering people wearing the black uniform of the Black Organisation. His lips quavered as beads of sweat rolled down the side of his forehead. He told himself that he must move, so that he could save Lenalee, but he was defeated fear.

He could not do anything, only to see her from afar as she was gradually disappearing from his sight. Many years had passed before he could become the supervisor of the Science Division in the Black Order. When he arrived at the Order, the first thing that he did was to find Lenalee, and get her freedom. He knew that the olive-haired girl was locked up in a high tower, and by her character, Lenalee might have been frightened out of her wits. From young, she hated to be alone. Filled with loneliness in her mind, she had cried many times, her heart filled with grief. It pained him whenever he saw her in this state.

When he had found her, she was very haggard and skinny. Her face was pale white, and there were red marks from the struggle with the thick ropes that tied her onto the bed to prevent her from running away. Some wounds had opened and were bleeding slowly, staining the ropes with the red liquid.

At that moment, he swore that he would protect Lenalee till he had his last breath, to repay those times when he was not around her when she needed him the most. That was a promise, to his parents, as well as her.

"You...are right, Kanda-kun. You are right." He murmured softly, staring at the ground. Kanda noticed the strange reply as he raised his eyebrow, wondering whether his words were too harsh on him. He noticed that he had been treating people much colder than usual, though he did not know why. He just felt pissed off inside and wanted to vent out his frustration out on anything that he encountered. Sometimes he felt that he was behaving like one of the grey machines that the Millennium Earl had constructed.

No, he was one to begin with.

"Kanda-kun, I believe that Lenalee is not dead yet. I also want to find her, but rules are rules. I simply have no position to perform this, do you understand?" Kanda's eyes narrowed. He sounded very desperate, wanting his cries of help to reach to the others' ears. He just frowned.

Rules, rules, and more rules! Damn it, couldn't they just _abandon _those stupid rules and fight for their rights? Cowards!

"But then," Komui straightened his posture and looking at him with stern eyes, "We still have to talk about your condition. As far as I can see from your report, your curse is deteriorating. You know what that means right?"

Kanda did not respond. Komui continued, "One day, it will be awakened."

* * *

"_I love you..."_

These three words hovered in his mind, again and again. He had heard them many times. What was the meaning of love and to be loved?

Mana said that he loved him more than he loved himself, giving all that he could give just to make him happy. He said that as long as he was happy, he would be happy. He said that people would do anything just to make their loved ones happy, even if that meant sacrificing themselves for their happiness.

He just blinked at this explanation, bewildered. It sounded as if 'love' was so dangerous to him. He shook his head, grasping his thick, rough hand tightly. He did not want love if this was the result. He did not want people sacrificing themselves just for the sake of his happiness. That was just...too cruel.

"Well, everyone thinks this way, Allen. Even I think this way, but then Allen, people are generally selfish. Because they are too important to them, they are willing to do anything in order to obtain that 'happiness'."

At that time, did Mana have the same thoughts at the verge of death?

Those three words...they choked him whenever he brought up these three words. It took him courage and confidence to say these strong words that expressed his strong feelings for that person, having the desire to protect him or her and making sure that he or she was happy. Though they were just simple English words, yet it held the strongest emotions hidden within your heart, towards that person precious and important to you.

It hurt...so much when these three words were just at his mouth, when he was going to speak out.

Now, he understood that loving someone could be excruciating; so painful that he just wanted to die to ease this hurting feeling stabbed in his heart.

"I...love you, Mana. I love you so much." Allen sobbed as the black akuma had stopped moving, dead. There was no sign of the Millennium Earl around when it finally ended. Moments later, the rain started to fall, flooding the earth with its tears from heaven. Allen looked up at the gloomy sky, ignoring the stinging pain on his left eye as the trail of blood streaming down his face could be seen.

God was crying for them, he thought.

"_You have a special ability bestowed from God, boy. You are the chosen one."_

_Cross Marian, the general of the Black Order, as well as his master, approached him. The rain damped his eyes, making his vision blurry. He slowly shifted his gaze weakly towards the one talking to him before staring ahead, his grey eyes hazy and empty._

"_Looks like you wield a parasitic Innocence. Another one destined to walk down this bloody path ahead."_

_Allen did not answer, dazed._

"_Boy, what is your name?"_

"_Allen Walker." He murmured, voice as quiet as a whisper._

"_Good. Allen, do you want to become an exorcist? One that fights against the enemy that you have encountered earlier." Allen shifted his gaze to where Cross Marian was pointing. It was the remaining burning corpse of his foster father._

"_You have an anti-akuma weapon, which is your left arm that is used to exorcise the enemies called 'Akumas'."_

_Allen just merely winced at his cuts and bruises around his body, tears continuing to stream down his face._

"_Exorcist?"_

"_Yes, exorcist. Be an exorcist, and fight for this world, Allen. In order to ease your guilt on turning your foster father to an Akuma, be an exorcist, and prevent similar tragedies from happening again."_

_Allen's eyes gradually widened at the last sentence that he had just said. Yes, the pain he was suffering now must be part of guilt for turning Mana into an Akuma. He raised his right hand as it covered the sight of the left eye slightly, seeing bits and pieces of the surrounding and darkness. His heart thumped hardly as he remembered face expression of Mana's when his soul was released into the sky._

_Mana was smiling._

"_Thank you, Allen."_

"It has finally stopped." Allen murmured as he stretched out his hand, feeling the soft and light drops of rain landed on it. The drizzles had reminisced as the dark, grey clouds gradually cleared, revealing the broad clear sky in view. The sounds of birds chirping could be heard from a distance as drops of rain fell onto the ground at the tip of the fresh, green leaves. A rainbow could be seen at the bright horizon as the sun was awakened from its slumber, emerging into view.

He coughed slightly as he heaved heavily, deciding to leave the rooftop and return to his room for a change of clothes before he headed to the Ark's gates. His clothes had been drenched by the heavy rain and he was trembling from head to toe. Allen descended down the stairs carefully, holding onto the railings for support. As his left leg was about to touch the ground, it suddenly slipped and he fell onto the ground hardly. He winced, yet he did not utter out a single sound from the excruciating pain. He slowly staggered up to his feet and hobbled on till he reached the nearest wall and stopped, catching his breath. Agony was shown all over his face, but he still did not say anything.

He then continued down the pavement, having difficulty walking due to his injured leg from the fall. He concluded that he had twisted his left ankle, as there was a red, huge swollen part there.

No, or maybe it was so serious that he had broken his left ankle? He was not very sure. After all, he was not very familiar with first aid, and he had countless of injuries that he just did not care.

People bypassed him. They noticed that he was acting weird, and asked whether he was alright. He shook his head in reply, not wanting them to worry. Before they could probe more, he walked away quickly, wanting to escape from this situation. He hid his cringing face by his long white strands, not wanting people to see how pathetic he was. He did not know why he still felt like this even though the war was over. He was just tense between crowds of people, and preferred quiet areas to himself, not wanting himself to be exposed completely.

That was how he felt about himself. He was disgusted, with the fact that he had an obscene eye brought by the curse of his very own foster father and a ragged body that had been damaged by the enemy, both mentally and physically. People said that he was the strongest one that they had ever met, having such a harsh fate, yet he still thought on the optimistic side and smiled everyday.

Smile? As days went by, his face muscles were so tired from the pulling. Smiling, only helped to reassure him that everything would be fine; that everyone would survive in this war and come back.

It had become a habit, that he would smile immediately at seeing anyone that he met. He was able to mask a smile that looked like a happy one from experiences that had gone by. It somehow made him sound like an expert, thus he was rather proud of it.

But then, he felt a little depressed; depressed that hardly anyone noticed his hurt feelings buried at the bottom of his heart. He was crying; crying desperately for anyone; just anyone, to notice his sorrows.

Somehow, he stumbled between steps and fell onto the ground. He stared at the floor, before he struggled, trying to move his body and legs so that he could sit up, but the pain that had been forgotten by his thoughts came back, this time twice as painful that he could not feel anything from his left leg anymore. His frown deepened as he did not give up, continuing to move his body and his right leg hardly, kicking the surface. In attempt to get up quickly, he moved his injured leg accidentally and the pain travelled through the nerves.

He shut his eyes and bit his lip to prevent himself from screaming. Soft, muffled sounds could be heard, barely audible for people to hear. He then noticed that tears had streamed from his eyes down his face. The grey orbs were hazy as he just stared at the long pathway ahead, allowing those tears to flow down uncontrollably.

He felt extremely weak and pathetic now. Thoughts of Lenalee once again entered his empty mind and filled up his lonely heart.

* * *

What in the world was he doing at that time? How could he be acting so calm when he knew that everything here was about to end?

He did not know. Even if he chose to act emotional, the side of him did not allow him to do so. There was no need of emotions. They were useless, worthless, a waste of time, unnecessary, a burden to him...

Kanda shut his eyes as he took in a deep breath, leaning against the wall just outside Komui's office. If only Lavi and Bookman were still around, he...

No, what in the world was he thinking? His fists were clenched as he gritted his teeth in anger. Why was he angry at, and why did he get angry so easily for no reason? He was not acting as himself at all! By his character, he would look into this problem with calmness and think of solutions to solve this, but this time, he totally snapped.

Why? Why did he lose control of himself...at this point of time? Kanda hissed in frustration. He could hide his emotions very well last time, but why this time, he could not do it? Why?

He glanced at the black crooked lines spreading from his left chest to the whole of his left shoulders. He glared at this ugly sight, disgusted. He then brought his long ponytail to the front as he glanced at it, feeling the softness of the strands.

"_Your hair is soft and beautiful, Yuu. It makes me envy of you." _Kanda just stared as he remembered the words that the bookman junior spoke. His eyes narrowed and his frown deepened. He then stared at the white bracelet at his left wrist which had been there for as long as he was. It was shimmering as the surface reflected with its shine.

"_This bracelet comes with the flower. Do remember that you must not lose any one of them, Yuu."_

Kanda felt his spinning head, wondering whether he had not gotten enough rest these days. The raven-haired teen coughed slightly as he turned to walk back towards his room.

"Kanda Yuu." Kanda stopped as he heard someone calling him. It was Link. He frowned.

"What," He asked, coldly. The blonde teen did not seem to be affected by his coldness as he replied, "Do you know where Walker is?"

Kanda raised his eyebrow. How should he know where that stupid beansprout was? Was he his nanny or housekeeper, keeping an eye on him for 24 hours?

"I don't know." Kanda spoke plainly. Link just stood there, looking at him with doubtful eyes that irritated Kanda even more. The inspector's secretary decided not to ask any further as he thanked him and walked away. As he walked halfway, he stopped and turned around, seeing Kanda walking away.

"That guy...his eyes..." He then wondered where Allen had gone to. As he looked in a distance, he saw a faint small figure of the golden golem flying towards him.

It looked like Timcampy was finding its owner too.

* * *

"_Allen-kun, you are sick!"_

"_Eh, am I?" I blinked, pointing at myself. The olive-haired girl nodded her head vigorously and touched his hand. I flinched slightly at this, flushing, either from embarrassment or from the fever I had now. Lenalee then put her hand at his forehead and frowned._

"_You are burning up, Allen-kun! I will tell Komui-nii-san that you are not suitable to go out for a mission."_

"_I'm alright Lenalee! Really, this is just nothing! And this mission is really very important, so I must go-"_

"_No."_

_I stopped talking and just looked at her, startled._

"_What?"_

"_No, you must rest. I will tell nii-san to excuse you from this mission. Lavi would go in your place."_

"_But-"_

_Suddenly, a heated slap was sent directly at my face. My eyes widened with shock as I felt my face, staring at the olive-haired girl in astonishment._

"_Even...Even if you are a general, you are sick, Allen-kun. I...I don't want you to fall. I want to protect my friends, because they are as important as me! Allen-kun, did you know that? You have been working on for days and days without rest! I have seen everything, and my heart hurts whenever I see you dragging your frail body out to go on missions!"_

_She was crying, very hardly, in front of me. For the first time, I saw her breaking down. She was the strongest girl that I had ever known. She never cried in front of anyone, not even to her brother, whom she loved dearly. She was determined, like a tree that would not fall in any storm that it encountered._

"_Lenalee..."_

"_I hate it! I hate it when you say it is because you have to perform your duty as a General. I hate it when you say it is because of the safety of the whole world! I...I know what I am saying is totally wrong, but I...I...just hate it when you say all these reasons..."_

_I did not say a word._

"_You are gradually separating from us, Allen-kun. You might not feel it, but I can feel the distance between us getting wider, like you are going to disappear soon. As you fought, your body is already at its limits, yet you push it further, to break those barriers and bring the enemy down." She sobbed as her crying gradually quietened down. Her hands were tugging on his uniform tightly, and when he moved slightly, she would pull it even tighter, not wanting him to go._

"_It just...hurts to see you broken, Allen-kun. It hurts to see you fighting by yourself. Alone."_

_My eyes gradually widened at this, shocked._

"_So...I beg you...please, rest in the headquarters and do not go out. Please?"_

_Her cries were desperate. I did not know what to do._

_I started to blame himself, for making her in this miserable state. The last thing that I expected, was to see her cry._

"Walker! Walker, are you alright? Walker!"

"Lenalee..." Allen murmured softly, staring blankly into the space. People crowded around him, asking how he was feeling right now, but he did not reply, continuing to mutter her name again and again.

After that incident, he could not remember what he had done next. Probably, he had returned to his room to rest. Or maybe he abandoned her cries and moved on to his mission? He did not know.

His vision started to fade slowly. He could feel no pain anymore. As he looked ahead, a dark shadow approached him, and stopped in front of him.

That figure was tall, and had long hair. He smiled as he lost unconscious.

* * *

"_Lenalee..."_

_

* * *

_

I will update the next chapter in probably four - five days later, so again, please read and review! Please do tell me your opinions regarding the chapters that I have uploaded, so that I can have a rough idea on how to proceed with my later chapters. Yullen relationship is not very obvious yet, so I would like to apologise! D: In this story, I plan on making scenes between the both of them to let them realise that their relationship was not as simple as they imagined to be, so the hints of Yullen will tend to be not obvious. If you still cannot understand what I am implying here, leave me a message and I will explain to you in detail :)

And thanks to all who have reviewed my chappys!! Really, thank you very much, and hope that you will support the rest of the chapters coming ahead as well! :D

Love,

SingingBlues


	4. Seeking your mind

I do not own DGM

* * *

**Chapter 4: Seeking your mind**

The footsteps stopped as Kanda saw Allen lying on the floor in front of him. Everyone just kept silent, wondering what the samurai would do. Kanda did not do anything, just stared at him with his usual eyes that showed no signs of emotions.

"Umm...Kanda-san?" One person had plucked up his courage to ask Kanda, since most of them here did not have the guts to provoke this raven-haired teen. Kanda did not respond, for a few seconds, before he slowly turned his head and stared at him with his cold gaze, not saying a word. The person just gulped and flinched before he continued, "W-Walker-san s-seem to have i-injured his left foot, so we wonder if you can..."

Kanda raised his eyebrows at this. The person stopped talking (or rather, stuttering) immediately and looked at the floor, not daring to continue further. He then turned and looked at Allen again. He let out a soft grunt as his frown deepened.

To think that this dumb beansprout had brought him problems again, he thought. He bended down his body to take a closer look at him. As the tips of his fingers were touching his sweaty forehead slightly, his eyes widened as he redrew his hand immediately, shocked. Everyone crowded around him, concerned about the white-haired teen's current health.

Suddenly, a hand shot out and grabbed onto the person's collar tightly, pulling him right in front of his fuming face. Everyone gasped in shock as the person was trembling, staring at Kanda timidly.

"W-What, Kanda-san?"

"What?" Kanda spoke in a low voice, emphasising clearly. The person's lip was shaking and his face cringed at this remark.

"Y-Yes, w-w-what seems to be the p-problem, K-Kanda-san?"

"Why didn't anyone send him to the infirmary?!? He is burning up right now, idiots!"

No one said anything, having no reasons to rebuke back. Kanda grunted in frustration as he glared at the crowd and released the man who quickly ran behind his friend and looked at Kanda in fear. Kanda then put one of his hand behind Allen's head to support it and the other hand at his thighs as he carried him up in bridal style. Allen's face was flushed red as his breathing was getting husky. Kanda frowned. There was not much time. It would be too late if he rushed to the infirmary now, when his body temperature was very high. He must reduce his temperature first before sending him to the infirmary.

There was only one way, though he did not like it.

"Get out. You are blocking my way." A man realised that he was talking to him as he gave an apologetic look and stood aside. Within minutes, the raven-haired teen had disappeared along the corridor.

-

He did not know what he was doing at that time. Hell, maybe his brain was malfunctioning, but he did not know, and could not comprehend. What was he doing, bringing that beansprout to his room instead of the infirmary? He had pondered this for many times, again and again. He concluded that he wanted to lower down his body temperature to a stable level before he sent him to the infirmary to let the nurses and doctors take care of him. At that time, he would wash hands over his matter, and would not care what happened to him in the future. He did not want to get involved with Allen in the first place.

He hated Allen. He hated him more than he hated his ugly appearance. He hated his smile and his kindness for people he met. He hated his bleached white hair that would freak people out in the mornings and he hated that cursed eye that seemed to emit a dark aura whenever it was activated. He hated him for his naivety, thinking that as long as he worked very hard being an Exorcist, he would be able to save those souls from their binded chains.

He just hated everything about Allen. As long as his presence lingered in his mind, he would be terribly infuriated and pissed at his slightest behaviour. He wanted to mock at him, to sneer and scorn at him, for having such a weak body and a weak mind. He did not deserve to become an Exorcist if he was to continue in this state. It would just make him even more pathetic, letting him laugh at him even more.

But what angered him most was that he was not even affected by his cold, stabbing words, having optimistic thoughts in his mind that he would understand him better in the future when they worked together more often in missions. That was what he thought, but did _he_ think this way? When he did not waver at his strings of merciless words, he berated him with words harsher and venomous than before which would surely hurt the other party deeply, etched in his or her mind. He thought that as long as he did this, no one would be bothering him with irritating talks and unnecessary chats and he would have the peace all by himself.

But, he was wrong. He thought that he would not, and could not disturb him anymore, and he would not even bother to provoke him back. He got what he wanted. Allen did not speak to him any longer unless it was unnecessary, and he got all the peace that he wanted, but one day, something caught him unexpected.

He saw Allen crying.

One day, they were on a mission. Allen got hurt during a fight with the akumas, and Kanda had to save him. As usual, he scolded him for having to make him save him, when the enemies were only level 1 and 2 akumas! Having fought a level 3 before, shouldn't the killings be easier for him, especially that he had powers that not much Exorcists had, and wanted to have.

_"I'm sorry." Allen's voice croaked as his head was down, staring at the dirty ground._

And he hated it when all he could say to him was 'sorry'. Couldn't he just change his answering once in while? He was sick of the same answers over and over and over again. The hoarse voice emitted from his lips just made him look more pathetic.

_"Stop saying sorry to me! Aren't you tired, saying this again and again? I'm tired! Tired of saving you always whenever you are in danger, and today was worse! I need to save you from akumas that are of level 1 and 2s!"_ _He spat out, shooting those blatant words directly at his face, though he knew very well the main reason why he was not in good condition to fight._

Allen did not say anything, assuming that he should not talk, and did not have the right to talk. He thought that that was the end. Their heated conversation had ended, and all was well. He managed to control himself from scolding him further, but something he said finally made him snap.

_"I'm sorry."_

_"Sorry?"_ _He repeated, scornfully, before he laughed out loud._ _"If you are really that weak, why didn't you use those powers bestowed from God? With the Fourteenth, you would not be so weak anymore, right?"_

He did not know what he was doing at that time. When those cold words were at his lips, he noticed that he had hurt his pride. Deeply.

From his face expression, from the way he reacted, he knew that he was infuriated.

He knew that he should not have brought up this sensitive issue out, especially to Allen. He knew that though Allen showed that he was okay with it, but deep inside, he was very fragile; one that would shatter easily by just the _slightest_ touch.

Yet, he had spoken out, and there was no way he could get his words back again.

After that incident, both of them did not talk to each other. He and Allen tried to avoid each other, not wanting to be reminded of that scenario just now, but there were some times when they had to force themselves to see each other's faces. As he looked into his eyes, he was a little astonished that his silver gray eyes were so cold and emotionless, and the sensation stung him hardly. He spoke in a lifeless tone, having a blank look on his face. It made him guilty of what he had done to him. He did not know that comment would hurt him so deeply that he was treating him like this. Was this his retribution, or this was the result that he wanted in the first place?

At night, when he was walking along the dark, silent corridor with his muffled footsteps, he noticed that Allen's door was slightly opened. He stopped, wondering what he might be doing at this late hour. He walked to the door and took a closer look.

His eyes widened at what he saw.

The room was dark. There were no lights, but due to the moonlight, he could see very clearly. Right in front of his eyes, Allen was standing there, crying.

-

As Kanda had reached his door, he did not care about his rough behaviour and just kicked the door open, slamming it aside. He then went in and put Allen slowly and carefully on the white sheets, treating him with care. His face was freaking pale and he was perspiring profusely, gasping heavily that he was breathless. Kanda went to close the door behind him and went to the washroom to get a basin of water and a fresh, clean towel. When he got back, he pulled a chair over beside the bed as he sat down and began soaking the towel with the cold water. He unbuttoned Allen's Exorcist uniform and took it off, revealing his white vest and his black pants. He then realised that his clothing was wet completely.

"Damn what the hell was he doing before he became like this?" Kanda muttered as he went to his wardrobe to get him a fresh set of clothing. As Allen's size was small considering his age, it was not hard getting him clothes that fit him and Kanda got a long shirt that he had not worn for a long time. Though it would be a little too large for him, but this was the smallest size that he could find. He slammed the wardrobe shut as he went back to the bed, wondering what he should do.

It was obvious that he should strip Allen immediately and get him changed, but at this thought his cheeks flushed slightly, and he mentally slapped himself for having such ridiculous thoughts in his mind. He was not the type of person to have corrupted minds, unlike _someone_ (A/N well I think all of you should know :p). He just stared at the one lying in front of him and groaned. It looked like he had no choice. It was as if he wanted this too.

"When he wakes up I will surely make him pay for this!" Kanda hissed softly as he started taking off his wet vest, revealing his fair torso. Somehow, Kanda was rather fascinated by this.

"Well, that beansprout looks a little muscular despite his small size." Kanda thought. Again, he mentally slapped himself. He then threw the vest onto the floor and helped to pull the new shirt over his body and his arms through the sleeves. He then stared at the soaked pants and frowned. Now this was where the real problem started. He concluded that his underpants might be wet as well, but everyone knew that undergarments should not be shared, even if they were of the same gender, thus he could not let him wear his.

He guessed he had to contact that stalker and asked him about this.

"Walker's...underpants?" Link repeated, speaking in a rather confused and startled tone. That samurai did not think this way, unfortunately, as his eye twitched in every few seconds.

"Yes. Since you know everything about him, can you bring one to my room?"

There was silence for a few seconds.

"Don't you dare misunderstand me for a pervert. That moyashi is sick, and I am tending to him right now."

"Then why is he at your room, Kanda Yuu? If he is sick, you can just take him to the infirmary instead. There is no need of you to take care of him. The nurses and doctors will do the job."

Kanda's eye twitched at this remark. He knew very well that he would shoot this reply back to him.

"His body temperature is freaking high, so I decided to lower down his body temperature before sending him to an infirmary. Do not get me wrong, Link. I'm not a fucking busybody. I have other things to do too, just that I met him somewhere and decided to help."

"I see." It seemed that the secretary did not probe more as he continued, "Okay, I will...send you one of his underpants over to your place."

The call ended as he stared at Allen sleeping on the bed, with the soaked towel at his forehead. He was rather surprised that Link could be useful at this point of time, and it surprised him further when he even _knew _where that beansprout kept his clothes at. He sighed as he sat back onto the chair, leaning against the back, looking at him. He observed his everything; his hair, his eyes, his noses, the red scar that travelled down his left eye, his lips. He took the wet towel and touched his warm forehead gently. It seemed like his temperature was slowly decreasing. He heaved a sigh of relief, and for the first time, he was glad that Allen would be alright.

He realised that his hand had moved unconsciously to his delicate face, caressing it gently. His eyes followed the trail of his finger as it moved around his face, from the tip of his nose to his left eye. He stopped momentarily as he just stared at the raw slash down his eye, staining his beautiful face with its blood. His lips opened slightly as he exhaled, admiring the red scar. His finger started to move again as it followed the red trail to where it ended, at the bottom end of his left cheek.

He was surprised himself that he was doing this. He, the one who hated him the most, was at his side, tending to him. Why was he doing this, when it was none of his business to tend to him? That stalker could do the job even better than he was, and he had better things to do than to waste his precious time on this weakling in front of him.

His finger slid down his face as it met his lips. The movement of his finger seemed to be hesitant as he approached the area where it was supposed to be sensitive, to one's view. His finger finally entered that region and touched that soft, pale flesh. Warm entered his cold finger immediately as he could feel it travelling up to his body, though it was only a little. His gaze never left him as he continued to move his finger around his lips, seemed to be playing with it. Before he knew it, he was leaning closer to him, feeling the warmth radiating from his body.

He realised that he could not control himself anymore. The lips was just too...tempting.

"Kanda," He stopped. There was a knock on the door. He slowly lifted his face and stared at the door. He stood up and walked towards the door, opening it. Link was standing there, holding a plastic bag in his hand.

"How's Walker?"

"He's fine, I supposed." Kanda shrugged, letting him in, though he usually did not like people invading in his privacy. Link stepped in and looked at the sleeping boy on the bed. Allen was still breathing heavily, his cheeks flushed red, but his face was not as pale as before. Link sighed before his gaze fell onto the black soaked pants which had not been removed yet.

"Aren't you going to remove his pants yet?" He asked. Kanda, who was standing at a corner, just stared at him. The secretary somehow knew what this meant as he turned and headed for the door.

"Make sure to send him to the infirmary after he is getting better." Kanda nodded as he looked at Link who had exited from the room, closing the door behind him. He turned to Allen and walked to the bed. He was rather surprised that Link did not say anything about keeping Allen here. It had been a rule from the Vatican that Howard Link would be the one tending to Allen's needs, and no one was supposed to take him away without the inspector's further instruction, but surprisingly, Link did not seem to care about this.

Kanda turned his attention to the black pants. His hand was about to touch the zipper when he stopped. He did not know why he would falter at this moment. Both of them were men, yet it would still be embarrassing when he had to strip off his pants. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he touched the zipper and slowly unzipped the pants, taking it off. He then stared at what was remaining and took it off.

His eyes widened at this. Well, he just couldn't help it.

He could feel heat rising up to his face again, and growled in annoyance. Stupid emotions getting in his way of making decisions again! Why was he feeling this way? It had been getting on his nerves lately and he was pissed off by this. Concealing those irritating thoughts at the back of his mind, he proceeded putting the underpants on him. He did not bother getting a new pair of pants for him, as the shirt he was wearing was long enough, and this could help in lowering his body temperature further.

Once again, he was obsessed by his face. Before he could sink further, he decided to distract himself by meditating instead.

He looked at the clock in his room. It was exactly 4 o'clock. It was a good time to meditate at this moment. It could help to clear those unnecessary and absurd thoughts off his head. Kanda took off the wet towel and rinsed it again, putting it back onto his forehead. As he was about to settle at a corner to do his meditating, something grabbed his wrist tightly. He turned around, astonished.

He thought that Allen was awake. Somehow, he did not want him to know that he was the one tending to him. It left him stupefied on the spot.

He noticed that Allen was not awake yet, and it relieved him. It seemed like he was moving unconsciously, and that he just found his hand there coincidentally. Kanda sighed as he tried to separate his hand from his wrist, but something shocked him.

"Don't leave."

It was no more than a soft murmur, yet he could hear it so clearly. He then wished that he did not have such good hearing instead. His face expression was twisted, like as if he was in pain. He wondered what he was dreaming now, that made his face so cringed up. Somehow, his heart wrenched slightly, and he realised that the both of them could not go on like this. He tried to loosen the grip on his wrist, but the grip tightened even more that he winced at the slight pain. The more he struggled, the more he refused to let go.

"Don't go. Don't leave."

Was he thinking about Lenalee? He just could not understand. What was it that made him suffer in misery and anguish? Was it so painful that he had to torture himself in this state? What was the bond he shared with Lenalee, so deep that he could not live without her? Somehow, he was jealous of the olive-haired girl. Even he did not comprehend the reason why. As he stood, alone, with only himself to comfort to, he could not help but want someone to be with him, to comfort him and accompany him through this bloody path. He did not have warmth. He felt cold always, wherever he went, and he needed it. Desperately.

He gave up struggling and just let his hand be, in his grasp. Allen seemed to be muttering something under his breath as his frown deepened. He just looked at him continuously. He felt his forehead. The white-haired teen stirred and moaned softly at this gentle touch. Kanda removed his hand and put the towel back on his forehead. His fever had gone down. As what Link had said, he would be sent to the infirmary, under the care of the doctors and nurses there. From then, what happened to Allen would be none of his concern.

He felt...disappointed. Somehow, he had gotten the use of Allen Walker around his sight. He did not find him disgusting anymore. The feeling of wanting to mock him till he broke had reminisced. He did not feel the hatred bottling up in him anymore. All was left was remorse and guilt to him, for not understanding more about him. He did not know why he was feeling this way, nor did he want to know the reasons either.

He looked outside the window and saw the sunset in view. Though he did not care about what was happening around him, but for once, he found the sunset beautiful.

-

_Where...am I... _

He groaned softly as images started to appear in front of him. He blinked slowly, trying to figure out where he was. Scent of lotuses entered his nose as he inhaled deeply. Where was he? He did not remember touching any lotuses on the way to his room. Where was this light scent coming from?

He looked around as he felt his throbbing head, wincing. Damn, he felt warm all over, like there was a fire raging inside him. He felt groggy all over as his vision was getting clearer, seeing the room. He frowned, racking his brains, wondering why he was here. If he had not remembered wrongly, he was not here previously. He should be at the floor...

Wait, he felt something soft and...warm at his left hand. Allen averted his sight towards his left hand as he found himself holding on to someone's hand...

Wait, hand?! Whose hand was that? His eyes opened wide immediately as he just kept staring at the hand that he was holding, stupefied. That hand belonged to...

"You are finally awake, moyashi." Allen stiffened, hearing that voice beside him. He could even feel the warm breath tickling his face, making him flush instantly. He gulped as he slowly turned his stiff head to the raven-haired teen who was looking at him, with a face that looked amusing.

"K-Kanda..." The word just trailed off. He did not know what to add on to this confusing and awkward situation. It was just embarrassing.

"Moyashi, now that you are awake, can you let go of my hand now?" Kanda spoke, looking at his grabbed hand. Allen released the grip immediately and looked away, hiding the blush spread across his face. Kanda just let out a sigh as he stood up and stretched himself. Allen just stared at the blanket that was laid over his body hardly, trying to throw off any absurd thoughts that were going to invade his mind in a few seconds' time. He did not know why he ended up here, and why Kanda was here in the first place. It was kind of embarrassing, but he had to find out from that guy to clear his doubts.

"U-Uh...Kanda? Why...Why am I here? And why are you here?"

Kanda did not answer, making the atmosphere even more awkward. Allen continued to stare at the blanket, not deciding to face him. He closed his eyes, wishing that Kanda could say anything. _God, _just anything to chase away this weird atmosphere surrounding the both of them.

"You fainted, thus I send you here." Kanda stated plainly, not intending to explain further. Allen was deep into thoughts, wondering why Kanda did not send him over to the infirmary instead, and by Kanda's character, he did not even give a damn on whether he was dead or not, so why there was an exception today that he had the privilege to be sent to his room by this arrogant and snobbish samurai? Allen gripped on the white sheets nervously. Kanda was treating him _too nicely, _and this gave him the creeps.

And come to think of that, this place did not look like his room at all. Though the entire Exorcists' rooms resembled the same, but he had a feeling that this was not his room. He did not even remember having this light fragrance in his room that smelt like lotuses...

Something caught his eye. He stared in front, at the hourglass with something bright pink inside. He slowly pulled the white sheets aside as he got out of bed, his feet stepping onto the freezing floor, sending some sizzling feeling up his nerves, but he ignored that, his attention captured by that hourglass in front of him. He slipped his feet into the warm slippers as he walked towards it.

"What are you doing?" Kanda asked, but Allen did not reply as he reached the table. Allen peered at it, and realised that it was a flower. His fingers touched the glass and travelled down the cool surface.

"Beautiful..." He murmured. He then noticed that it was a lotus. So, maybe the light scent came from this flower, but then the hourglass was sealed, so he had no idea to how the scent escaped into the air. And he did not remember having such beautiful thing under his possession.

"Don't touch it!"

"Eh?" Startled by the sudden voice, his finger pressed on the surface accidentally, and it swayed to the right, about to crash onto the floor. Kanda managed to rush there on time and hold onto the hourglass with his hands. Allen just stumbled backwards, astonished.

"Kanda?"

"Don't touch my things next time, moyashi!" Allen winced at that icy tone, wondered why Kanda spoke in such a harsh way. It was _just _a lotus in an hourglass, and he never wanted to touch his things in the first place, so why make a fuss about this? He then wondered why he was feeling this way.

"This is...your room?" It made him feel even more awkward when Kanda brought him to his room rather than his own room to rest. Allen shifted slightly, folding up the sleeves that drooped to his elbows. He did not like this. It was making him even more nervous, though he had no idea what exactly made him feel this way. He had to assume that Kanda's room was nearer to his room, or that Kanda did not know where his room was located. He sighed, confirming his doubts with these two answers to ease his mind.

"Well u-uh, thank you very much for letting me stay in your room. I am feeling better, so I shall return to my room." Kanda did not answer, his eyes closed. Allen opened the door and stepped out of the room. Before he closed the door, he turned and looked at Kanda once again. He slowly turned back and slid the door shut quietly behind him. As his feet shuffled on the ground, he hugged himself tightly, shivering against the cold. He then realised that he was only wearing a very long shirt, to his utter embarrassment. His footsteps turned quieter as he looked around, hoping that no one was passing by here.

"_Don't touch it!"_

"What is that lotus exactly?" He thought. Come to think of that, he never had imagined that Kanda had such beautiful thing under his possession. He thought that Kanda was a rather boring person, so it would not be surprising if there were only a bed, a wardrobe and a table for his needs, but he did not expect him to have that hourglass containing the lotus. And by how he clutched it with his hands like he was protecting it, he concluded that it was rather an important item to him.

And the carvings on the hourglass with the lotus inside...somehow, it looked familiar, like he had seen it somewhere before.

"I wonder whether I'm right, Lenalee." He murmured softly, as he proceeded to his room.

* * *

Next chapter to be published in a week's time :) An idea suddenly came out of my head yesterday, and I decided that it would be the sequel to this story! Look forward to it! :D

SingingBlues


	5. A New Situation

**Chapter 5: A New Situation**

He just stayed there, not moving from his current position, as the door closed quietly behind him. The bed was empty, and the white sheets were put aside. The thin curtains flew together with the breeze coming through the open window in his room. The clock in his room ticked softly, like a lullaby lulling people to sleep.

He still remained there, not intending to move. Slowly, he opened his tired eyes, sighing. He was still holding the hourglass in his hands tightly, and he checked to see whether there was any damage inflicted on it. He sighed again, this time in relief, when there was none. He put it back on the table as he turned to the mirror behind him.

He stared at his appearance, his eyes cold and empty. He pulled on his vest a little, revealing his whole left arm.

He did not expect it to speed up _this _fast, noticing that it had claimed his whole left shoulder and his left upper arm. It had not stopped, and it would not stop. Having a life of its own, it would continue to seek its way through his body till it died.

Kanda touched his straight fringe as he brushed them aside, seeing his eyes very clearly. Those markings were getting obvious, getting darker as the process entered a certain stage. There would soon be a time when he could not hide his condition from everyone anymore.

He put his hand at the side of his neck where he could notice slight marks appearing. His hand gradually travelled down to his left chest, feeling the light thumping of the source that kept him alive, kept him moving, kept him _awake_.

His eyes were becoming dead. His feelings were starting to harden, and he could no longer feel the pain, like it had been numbed. He could feel it. He could feel himself gradually changing, before he was finally erased by his fate.

He let out a soft snort as he went to tidy up his bed. He then noticed the wet clothes that Allen had worn. Damn, he had forgotten to tell him to take his dirty clothes before he left! Anyway, he was not a maid to begin with, tending to him and helping him to clear the mess that he had left.

His heart almost stopped beating as he froze, remembering _that _moment when he was so close to Allen, or rather, _too_ close to him. He had not been so close with anyone before, and this was the first time he was, with Allen. He did not know why, but that sweet-smelling boy had something that always attracted his attention, and he wanted to find out what it was. He was easy to approach, and if Kanda wanted to find out more, he could just walk up to him and ask, but he knew that he could not do that. He did not have the ability to do that. He had lost it a long time ago.

Was it the pleasure of making Allen angry that attracted Kanda to him? He agreed that mocking Allen and provoking him made him happy, even if only for a little while, but he wasn't sure whether it was the main reason.

He looked out of the window and realised that the sun was setting. He turned to look at the clock and saw that it was six o'clock in the evening. He did not know that time had passed so fast. The time spent tending to Allen for the whole afternoon just went by in a flash, and the day was coming to an end. In a few hours' time, this day would be counted as history, and the next day would arrive. He frowned, wondering whether this was worth celebrating. It was indeed good that time keeps moving, but this would also mean that everything would come to an end soon.

Soon. He had a feeling about that. Just, very soon.

Suddenly, there was a scream outside as a loud thud was heard. Kanda turned to the door, wondering what that was. It sounded familiar. As he thought, his eyes slowly widened.

"Shit! How did I forget that?" He muttered under his breath as he slammed open the door and rushed out.

-

Allen was on the floor, his eyes shut, wincing from the stinging pain coming from his left ankle. He did not know what had happened, but something inside his mind just snapped and the next thing he knew, he was on the floor, clutching his left leg in pain. He whimpered softly. It was so excruciating that he could not scream in pain. Everything just choked up in his throat, suffocating him. He gritted his teeth, telling himself that this was not painful at all, compared to the injuries that he had when he was still fighting as an Exorcist.

Yes, he did not feel much pain when he was fighting, because when he fought, the feeling of pain was slowly numbed as his body absorbed the injuries, allowing him to slowly get used to it. But it was different now. He had not fought for six months. The numbness was slowly fading, and he could feel the pain once more, but the difference was that he felt twice the pain, the injuries accumulated from the war. It was beyond 'pain'. This feeling was even worse than that. It was like suffering in the dungeons of hell, burning in those rages of fire that tore up his raw flesh.

His vision blackened for a moment, but his consciousness was still there. He bit his lips so hard that it started to bleed. The crimson liquid slowly travelled down his lips to his chin and fell to the ground. He would not let himself slip out of consciousness again. He coughed as he moved his arms, trying his hardest to get up to his feet, but the pain of his left ankle was so great that it immobilised the lower part of his body completely. He gave up, staring at the floor, wondering who would save him this time. He hated to admit it, but he wished that Kanda would find him there. He closed his eyes, hoping.

"Walker?" He opened his eyes, expecting him, but realised that person was addressing him as 'Walker instead of 'moyashi'. He then saw that it was Link instead.

Somehow, he felt disappointed.

"Link..." He said in breathless voice. He did not know what to say as his voice trailed off. The man just stared at him before he noticed that it was his left ankle that caused his fall.

"What happened to your left ankle, Walker?"

"I...don't know. I think I must have hurt it somewhere," Allen replied softly. Link closed his eyes and sighed before he kneeled down in front of him, his back facing him. Allen just blinked, puzzled.

"Put your hands on my shoulders. Do you still have the energy to do that?" Allen slowly nodded and reached for the broad shoulders, gripping tightly. He felt something clutching onto both of his thighs as he was being hoisted up on Link's back. Allen leaned his face on the back as he wrapped his hands around his neck, feeling sleepy. Link just stared sideways at him before he walked to the infirmary to get his left ankle treated. He then realised that he was holding onto Allen's bare legs and saw that he was not wearing any pants.

"I shall ask Kanda Yuu about this," he muttered to himself, frowning.

-

Kanda ran along the empty and quiet corridors, searching for Allen. He had completely forgotten about the injury Allen had on his left ankle and the scream was probably from him. From how swollen it was, it should be quite serious. He looked everywhere, but there was no sign of him.

"Where could that moyashi be? He should not be able to go that far when his left ankle is injured," Kanda thought as he scanned the area, but no one was there.

"_Yuu..."_

He stopped abruptly, shocked. He closed his eyes for a moment before opening them. His vision distorted as there were visions in black and white flashing in front of him, making him dizzy. He blinked, holding his spinning head as he held onto the railings for support.

"_Yuu, you have no family. Your existence__,__ your sole purpose, is to serve the one standing in front of you. Do you understand?"_

"_Yes, Mother."_

He stared at the memory that was shown in his mind. He just stared at the person whom he had answered, before looking down. Though he could not see the person clearly, he knew that she was smiling, as she patted his head gently with her warm hand.

Wait. Warm? Did he...just said 'warm'?

"_Yuu."_

His movement were shaky as he leaned against the wall, clutching his head. Was that...his past?

His past...wasn't like that.

"_Yes?"_

"_Do you want to get stronger?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Very well. You will get stronger, by my teachings, your instincts, and this blade that I am going to bestow __on__ you." _

_The__ child slowly looked up at the darkness in front of him, as __he held__ a shining sword._

"_Its name is 'Mugen', which means 'illusion'. Do not underestimate the power locked in this blade. Its power is so strong that it can delude people, that is why it is called 'Mugen'. Use this well, and let it __be stained with__ the blood of the people that you kill. Do you understand, Yuu?"_

"Mugen..." He said this word slowly, feeling it burn his tongue. It was his beloved sword. _Beloved sword, given by his father._

Was that person...his father?

"_Yes."_

Even if he was his father, why did he feel nothing but endless pain stabbing in his chest? He did not feel the warmth most parents would give to their children. Those unfeeling words filled his empty heart with more loneliness, his emotions as hard as a stone.

Tears slowly filled his eyes, wetting his face. He felt those tears, shocked.

It was the first time he cried.

"_Yuu, he has high expectations of you. As you know, he holds __you dear__. He loves you very much, so don't disappoint him, okay?"_

"_Yes."_

His chest hurt. His heart hurt. His whole body, _hurt. _Everything shattered in front of him instantly.

He hated this.

"_Remember, you are a samurai, and you can only serve me."_

He just stood there, his eyes closed, as the sound of his heart could only be heard.

"_Yes, Father."_

_-_

Allen was in the infirmary having his ankle treated. He had changed into a new set of clothes and now he lay there, looking at the doctor tending to him. Link sat beside him, reading a book as usual. He peered around the hospital wing, bored.

And he noticed that the light scent of the lotus was gone. His nose was filled with the heavy stench of medicine and anything that was related to the infirmary. Allen sighed as he stared outside the window. The sky was getting darker, the sun barely visible behind the mountains.

"Okay, I have bandaged your ankle. It looks like your left ankle is not badly injured. But as it is quite swollen, you have to rest here for a few days till it is better."

"Thank you," Allen said, smiling. The doctor nodded as he and the nurse turned to leave. He blinked before he turned to face Link, who was still engrossed in his book. He then wondered what he was doing when Kanda had been taking care of him. It was surprising that he did not look for him when he was missing. Normally he would stalk him, even when he was in the baths, to his embarrassment, but these days he hardly saw him around, even when he was eating in the cafeteria.

"What?" Link had noticed his stare and was looking at him.

"Nothing," Allen replied, wondering how this older teen noticed that he was looking at him even though he did not make any sound. Link just looked at him for a moment before he returned to his reading, letting Allen continue staring at him, not seeming to be distracted by his gaze. Allen then looked at the table beside the bed and saw the shirt that he previously wore there, folded nicely. He slowly reached out and put his hand gently on the soft material. He took it with great care and buried his face in the shirt.

It...smelt of lotus. Sweet and light.

"I noticed just now that you were wearing only a long shirt and nothing else. Why didn't he get a pair of pants for you?" Allen looked up and stared at Link before he felt his face burning up. He diverted his gaze back to the shirt, trying to hide his embarrassment. Why must Link bring up this matter again? Thinking of Kanda helping him to change his clothes just made him...

"What am I thinking?" Allen moaned softly. Something must be wrong if he kept thinking about Kanda! He felt his forehead. Maybe the fever had caused him to become like this. He groaned and ran his hand through his hair, lying flat with the shirt on his face, his eyes staring at the white space in front of him.

He just could not understand everything, everything about him and Kanda. The relationship between the two of them was always that complicated. Were they friends? Were they comrades, or were they just strangers, bumping into each other because they had the same goal in life, as an Exorcist?

No, maybe both of their goals were different. Though they were both Exorcists, Allen could not guess at why Kanda wanted to become an Exorcist. Most of the time, people wanted to become one because they had Innocence, or because they had a deep hatred of the Millennium Earl, which was one of the reasons he became an Exorcist. Maybe Kanda became an Exorcist because of the same reasons, but deep in his eyes, he could somehow tell a slight difference. The look in his blue eyes was mostly empty, but there were something lingering there, in the shadows. He wondered whether it was hatred, but he could not tell.

"Link?" He turned to face an empty chair. The secretary was gone, and he did not even sense it! Allen blinked, trying to register this in his mind. He then looked at the shirt that he was holding, and sat up, folding the shirt nicely. He saw a pair of crutches at the side of the bed and took one, holding it in under his arm. He got out of bed slowly and looked at the exit. He slowly walked towards it and out of the infirmary.

"Walker-san! Walker-san, you are not well enough to get out of bed yet!" A nurse called out to him.

"It's okay. I will come back immediately when I'm done," Allen said.

"Do you need me to help you there?"

"It's not necessary!" He walked out before the nurse could say anything else. As he walked with his crutches, he wondered why he was doing this.

"Because I have to return Kanda his shirt! And, and, I have to thank him for taking care of him when I'm sick! Yes, yes!" He nodded vigorously, agreeing with his thoughts. Allen smiled as he approached the section where the Exorcists' bunks were. He wondered why his actions and reactions were so stiff. Was he that tense whenever he was seeing Kanda? It was as if he was meeting him for the first time.

He turned around a corner, proceeding to the next corridor which showed identical rooms on that floor. He blinked, trying to remember which room it was. He pointed to random rooms, thinking that it might be this one, or maybe that one, but no matter how much he reasoned, every room looked the same! He moved on, trailing to every room that he had passed by till he stopped, looking at the last room. There were bloody words on the door. If he did not remember wrongly, Lavi did say that Kanda's room had some kind of warning on his door to scare people away.

There was silence when he knocked, and Allen wondered whether Kanda was not in at the time. When no one answered, he decided to return to the infirmary, but the door slowly creaked and opened. There stood Kanda, staring at him.

"What, moyashi?" Allen was glad that he got the room right. Kanda just stood there, a puzzled look on his face.

"Here." Allen handed him the shirt. Kanda just looked at it before he took it.

"_Allen..." _He winced as he touched his left eye.

"What happened?" Kanda asked, noticing.

"No, nothing," Allen replied, smiling. He tapped his chin, unsure whether there was someone calling him just now.

"I see. So you came here just to give this back?" Allen could not help but flush slightly at this remark.

"Yeah."

"I see. You should go back and rest now," Kanda said, and was about to close the door when the door was stopped abruptly. He turned back, astonished. Allen was holding on the doorknob, pulling it slightly to prevent it from closing.

"What?" Actually, Allen too did not know why he had reacted that way. He must have something to say to the samurai, but his mind could not think of anything.

"I uh...uh...I..." Kanda just looked at him and sighed.

"Come in." Allen looked up, astonished. He then nodded and entered the room. The smell of the lotus filled his nose once more as he inhaled the sweet scent deeply. Kanda closed the door behind him quietly. The sky was gradually darkening, but the samurai did not bother to switch on the lights in the room. Allen walked slowly with the help of the crutches and found himself staring at the bed.

"You can sit on the bed if you want." Allen turned to look at the taller figure standing in a corner, startled. He did not expect Kanda to let him touch anything in this room, especially his bed. He then looked at the bed once more, hesitant. He saw a chair beside the bed and decided to sit on the chair instead.

Both of them did not say a word as silence filled the room. A light breeze entered through the open window, and Allen closed his eyes, feeling the light touch on his face. He slowly relaxed as he put the crutches aside and looked around. It was just a normal room, but somehow, he felt that this room was different from the other rooms that he and the other Exorcists used to live in. He assumed that it was the scent of the lotus that attracted him to it.

Come to think of it, he realised that Kanda always had a light scent around him. Even when he had just finished his training, that scent would always be there, lingering around him. It represented Kanda Yuu, and whenever the scent could be smelt, he knew that Kanda would be around somewhere. This scent was different from the fragrances of soaps or shampoos. Somehow it gave him security, and he wondered whether he had been dependent on Kanda for all this time.

"How is your ankle?" Allen turned to Kanda who spoke first.

"Hmm, it's alright now. The doctor says that I have to stay in the infirmary for a few days till I am better," he replied.

Kanda merely nodded and said nothing.

The sun was almost behind the mountains as the room got darker. He could only see the faint shadow of Kanda standing, but he could see the beautiful sapphire eyes glinting. When he met him for the first time, he had thought that Kanda's eyes were black, but when he looked closer, it was actually crystal blue, like the colour of the sea.

Kanda had raven hair, and had blue cobalt eyes, and his Innocence was also blue in colour when activated. Allen could not help but realise that Kanda was flawless. Everything about him was perfect. He had a fitting body, and he had beautiful facial features along with his long hair, which made people mistake him for a lady sometimes. But if Kanda was really a girl, maybe...just maybe he would fall in love with him...

"Moyashi." His thoughts were interrupted as Allen looked up, puzzled. Though he could not see Kanda quite clearly in the darkness, he knew that he was staring at him.

"Yes?" He said, his voice softer and gentler than before. Even though his heart thumped softly he could hear the sound echoing in the silence. He felt his chest, wondering whether his heart was beating faster than usual.

"No, nothing."

"What's wrong, Kanda?" He asked. He noticed that Kanda was acting weird these days. That breathless voice gripped him, making him worry. Was he sick because he had been tending to him for the whole day?

There was no answer. It was so quiet that he could hear his breathing very clearly. It was slow, calm, yet a little husky. ("Husky" does not seem to be the right word. What is the mood you're trying to convey?) He looked outside.

The moon was slowly rising up through the night sky. The clock ticked faintly in the room. He started to recall the times that they had together.

He and Lenalee...

He and Lavi...

He and Krory...

He and Miranda...

He and Bookman...

He and Marie...

He and Master...

He and...Kanda. He stopped.

"I think you should go back now," Kanda said in his usual cold voice. Allen did not answer as he was staring at the hourglass across from him, resting on the table. It was glowing a little brighter than usual. His eyes gradually widened.

A petal slowly detached from the flower and fell onto the bottom of the hourglass.

"What...what is that, Kanda?" He pointed to the hourglass, realising that his voice was shaky. What was he afraid of? Why was fear gripping him tightly?

"It's none of your business."

"Why? What is it that makes it so secretive?" Allen asked, raising his voice slightly. He wanted to know. It was obvious that Kanda had been hiding something from him and the others.

"What does that flower mean to you, Kanda? Why is it so important to you? Why do you need to hold it so gently and carefully? Such a delicate thing...what does it mean to you?" He sounded like he was pleading with Kanda to tell him the reasons. Why was he so anxious about him?

"Like I said, it's none of your business. You should go back."

"You do not need to chase me away," Allen said curtly, glaring at him. He slowly stood up, holding onto his crutches for support. He gripped onto his shirt tightly, finding himself gasping.

He felt hurt. Why must Kanda chase away the people who just wanted to get close to him and understand more of him? Why was he...straying further and further away from them?

"Why...why do you have to do this, Kanda? What are we to you? What...am I to you?" He murmured softly, tears filling his eyes. His heart wrenched, and his chest was so tight that he was getting breathless. He just wanted to help him, because no matter how Kanda treated him all these years, he was his friend, fighting with him and the others side by side. His friends were dear to him, and he did not want to lose them.

He had lost Lavi and Lenalee. He did not want to lose him too.

Kanda did not answer. Allen stared at the lotus in the hourglass, seeing the water bubbling up to the surface of the flower. He made his way to the door and opened it, stepping out, not turning back.

The door closed. Kanda just stood there, silent.

"_I'm sorry...Allen."_

-

Komui was inside his office looking through his files and documents. As he finished reading and put the file on the other side, something caught his eye – there was a photo in one of the files. He blinked as he took it out, looking at it. It was a photo of the samurai taken together with General Tiedoll, when he was younger. He smiled. In the picture, Kanda was giving a piercing look as the general put his arm around his shoulders and gave a goofy grin. It looked like nothing had changed after all. Today, Kanda still did not like anyone clinging to him, and this made him remember the times Kanda spent with Lavi. The bookman junior kept teasing and clinging onto him, making him angry all the time, but somehow, only Lavi had the guts to call Kanda by his first name 'Yuu'.

Thinking about that, he had not seen Lavi and Bookman after the war with the Millennium Earl was over. They just disappeared mysteriously, and no one had seen them since then. Though the Vatican did not pursue this matter, he could not help but wonder where they were.

The Bookman Clan was rumoured to roam around the world, collecting histories to add to their collections for further study. No one knew where they lived, and no one saw them on the streets. When their presence was needed, they appeared, and when they were done, they simply vanished without a trace.

'Lavi' was only an alias, the 49th name that he used when he entered the Order with Bookman as an Exorcist. The time as 'Lavi' had halted, the last memories of this presence lingering in the Order. Now, 'Lavi' ceased to exist. This person was not around anymore. What were left were those memories that everyone shared with him. The person continued to move on, having a different identity, a different personality, and a different life.

Who was he? What was he exactly? What was his real self, when he had so many different identities? What he could not understand were Lavi's emotions. That redhead always had a grin on his face wherever he went.

But, _that smile. _Was it even real in the first place?

He sighed as he returned to looking at the photo. It would be great if they could return to the past. As he sipped his coffee, his eyes widened gradually, and he sat up, looking closely at the photo once more. He gasped as the cup slipped from his hand and fell onto the table.

"What...why...what happened?" He could not believe what he saw.

The photo remained, but Kanda was not there anymore_._

_-_

"Ne, Rebecca."

"..."

An irritated snort was heard. "NE, Rebecca!"

"..."

The person could not stand this anymore and roared. "REBECCA!" She screamed at the one sitting in a small couch across from her. The candle flame flickered lightly as the person stirred from her reading and paused before she snapped her book shut lightly, looking at the little girl who was squirming and making a tantrum. She just sighed and shook her head.

"Can you behave yourself for once, Momo?" The girl whined even more as everyone's gaze was fixed on her.

"No, no, no, no, no! When are we setting off? I can't wait forever!" She gave a puppy dog-eyed look and pouted. They were in a hotel, on the first floor. People could be seen walking around, some sitting with them, reading either a newspaper or a magazine.

"Be patient, will you. Geez, do you want ice-cream?" She asked. The girl glared at her.

"Don't think that stuffing me with sweets will shut me up, sister!" The woman chuckled instead, giving her a smile.

"And I thought you love sweets, little girl," she said in an amused tone, mocking her. Her brown locks bounced as the little girl stood up abruptly, attracting all the attention.

"Stop it. I'm not a little girl!"

"Ah, what's happening over here?" A young man about the age of the golden-haired lady was walking towards them. The little girl just snorted slightly and looked away, showing displeasure. The man just blinked at this situation, puzzled.

"What?" He asked.

"Throwing her tantrums, as usual," Rebecca said, shrugging. The man laughed before he found a place to sit beside them.

"What are you laughing at, Yamamoto?" Momo asked sarcastically. Yamamoto just grinned in reply.

"Don't be angry anymore. You know that Rebecca is just kidding, right?" He patted her small shoulders like an older brother. Momo hissed even more, angry.

"Stop it. We are just here for business, aren't we?" Rebecca's tone was serious all of a sudden. The woman stood up, showing off her elegant and slim body. She removed her sunglasses and ran her hand through her golden hair, grinning. Yamamoto just crossed his legs, looking at them, amused.

"Yes, we are here to meet him. Our boss."

"I wonder what that fat man is going to tell us this time. Oh man, this will be intriguing," he said.

"I agree." The little girl licked the tip of her thumb, smiling.

* * *

The story is progressing further as there are new characters coming out. As I have said, there is a reason for the progression. Though the names are different, but I'm sure that all of you would know who they are originally :]

And sorry for the late publish once again everyone! I have been busy lately, but I am posting this chapter now! :DD Hope you all like it! (:

SingingBlues


	6. His Past

I certainly do not own DGM D:

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 6: His past**

"_Fight, only for me."_

* * *

The low, soft tapping of his boots echoed through the surroundings as Kanda was walking along the corridor at the first floor. His black belt was around his waist as his katana was strapped between the belt, at his left hip. His dark raven hair was down as he did not bother to tie it early in the morning. He was wearing a navy blue vest with black tight pants as both of his hands were slipped into his pockets. As he walked, some people passed by and they bowed down in a form of respect. He ignored them as usual and continued to pace on, idle and looking bored. He turned right at a far corner and continued to walk till he stepped out of the building. Kanda stopped, his hands still in his pockets. He slowly took a deep breath, breathing in the nice, freshly scent of flowers and leaves, seeming to be enjoying this moment.

It had been a long time since he stepped out of this cage to have a breather. He was supposed to report to a dark room in the Order everyday, but today was an exception. His look turned serious as he looked ahead and walked on. Some leaves fell down onto his head as the wind blew right in his face, but he was unmoved by the happenings around him as he reached an isolated building which stood out among those trees. He stood at the front door and knocked lightly, before he waited for someone to come and open the door.

"_Yuu! Yuu..."_

"_Shut up! Didn't I tell you not to call me by that name?"_

"You are here, Kanda-san." The door slowly creaked open as a person wearing white was there. Kanda just nodded and entered. The surrounding was dark with few lights at the side of the walls. He closed his eyes for a while, letting himself get used to it.

"This way, Kanda-san." The person gestured. Kanda merely nodded again as he followed him. He could hear drips of water as their steps echoed through the cold realm. The samurai looked up, wondering whether there was a water source nearby. It was his first time here and he was surprised that there was such a place situated here, used by the Vatican. It showed that there were some secrets that the Vatican had not revealed to them yet. Komui should not get known of this yet, because if he knew, he would surely note them about every single place that the Order used for their activities.

Or maybe that stupid supervisor was hiding something from them as well. Kanda's frown deepened at this.

He sniffed the air and realised that it had a weird stench that smelt like chemicals, and this choked his throat and made his lungs uncomfortable. He observed the surrounding closely and noticed some cameras in all corners. The Vatican was not dumb after all. They were observing them all the time, making sure that none of them betrayed the organisation by going to the enemy. To people working in the Black Organisation, they were treated none other than pawns for the Vatican's uses.

"We are here, Kanda-san." They reached another black door that was similar to the door that he came in. The person in white opened the door as the surrounding suddenly brightened, causing his eyes to sting. Kanda covered his face by his hand as he looked through the gaps in between his fingers, seeing many different machineries and a surgery bed in front of him. The headlights above must be the cause for this brightness. He blinked a few times before he saw the insides of the room more clearly.

"_Yuu..."_

"_Told you not to call me by that name."_

"_Why aren't you out hunting today?"_

"_Are you really that interested in finding out why?"_

"_Yes, Yuu, because you are not yourself today."_

"_Why am I not out today, you asked? Well, maybe it's because..."_

He lay down onto the bed, his vest taken off as his broad chest shone brightly by the headlights above him. Many people walked around this crammed place as the sound of beeping rang in his ears again and again, making him dizzy. He felt something was attached to his chest, and light sizzles could be felt as his muscles started to tighten. Whispers hovered in the air, as his eyelids were getting heavy. His head started to hurt as he felt his forehead, figuring out what he was looking for in his memory. The glaring light continued to put pressure on him as he closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep.

"_Maybe it's because...I do not have the urge to kill humans today."_

* * *

Echoes of voices could be heard as images swarmed in his eyes, making him dizzy. He was slipping in and out of consciousness, not knowing where he was.

"_Yuu...Yuu..."_

"_Kanda...Kanda..."_

Many people were calling his name, but he could not identify who was the one calling him. Everything was in a mess, as those voices continued to call for him, wanting him to answer back to them. He opened his mouth, trying to answer back, but realised that he couldn't, because he had lost his own voice.

The brightness in front of him was so glaring, that he wondered whether this was the gate to Heaven. Though he did not believe in Christianity and Catholicism, where people see God when they die, but everything in front of him looked so real that he had to believe.

His eyelids were getting heavy again, as he was following the voices that were calling out for him. As his eyes closed, he could faintly see a shadow approaching him through the light, like an angel descending from Heaven to guide him to his home. He smiled. Finally, everything that was tormenting him was taken off his broken body, and he was set free, away from things and matters that he could not face. He finally had freedom at last.

"_Kanda...Kanda..."_

* * *

"It's snowing." The child murmured as she stretched her hand outside the window, letting the snowflakes touched it with its light coldness. The candle flame flickered in the dim morning light as the girl brushed through her thick locks and gave a sigh, staring at the white sky.

"Sighing?" She turned and saw a tall, slender figure at the entrance. She turned back again and looked outside.

"Rebecca," She replied in a listless tone before the room was silent again. The door closed softly as Rebecca walked towards Momo, standing beside her, looking outside as well.

"What are you thinking, Momo?" Momo did not say anything, her gaze at the snow that descended from the sky. This view reminded her of Christmas. At that time where she and the rest of her family stayed, it was like that too. The snow just fell from the sky endlessly, burying the earth with its white frost. She exhaled, as the warm breaths escaped from her freezing lips which was slightly pale.

This weather just brought back many memories from the past. She sniffed. It felt rather nostalgic.

"He hates snow." Rebecca looked at Momo questioningly, not expecting her to reply. Momo's grip on the back of the chair tightened as her legs shuffled slightly against the cushion.

"He hates snow. He always hates white stuffs, especially snow, because it is just too glaring for him." She redrew her hand and looked at the snow that filled her palm.

"Especially things that associate with _him_."

Rebecca just stared at her before her eyes softened. She turned and looked at the sky again, sharing the same thoughts.

"Ah, I agree." Momo turned to look at her sister. The fire at the fireplace crackled as an umbrella with a pumpkin head was resting at the side of the fireplace. Some pairs of long, striped socks were hanging there, getting dried by the heat from the fire, as some photo frames of them were place at the top of the fireplace.

"Our boss asked us to find the four elite guardians right?"

"Yes. We have already found one, now left the other three, who seems to be in separate directions. That fat man Gorcio and the twins are searching for them."

"The twins? Are they even dependable?" Momo asked, frowning. "They just bring nothing but trouble, and we always have to clean up their mess afterwards." She folded her arms and swung her legs hardly, grumbling.

"No matter what they have done, they are part of the Family." Rebecca persuaded. Momo just sighed in reply.

"You are just too forgiving, Rebecca. You have to be strict at them sometimes."

"Well, they are only kids."

"I'm a kid too." Momo pointed out, having a tone of displeasure in her voice, as she played with her brown curls by twirling them between her fingers.

"But you are different. You are the eldest member of this Family after all." This reply stumped her completely as Momo turned to her, speechless. Her lips turned into a grin as her golden eyes twinkled in the darkness.

"But one more question, Rebecca. Why are our names different from before?" The golden-haired lady just stood there, stumped by this question. Momo just gave a devilish grin as she looked at the white scenery once more, lost in her memories.

"Anyway, where's Yamamoto?" Momo asked.

"I don't know. Maybe he has gone _there."_

"There...is it?" Momo murmured, looking at her doll.

"Do you still remember us...Yuu-nii?"

In that silent voice of snow, the golden bell jingled from her golden hair, drowned by the howls of the blizzard.

* * *

"_Yuu!" His eye twitched and he growled, reaching out for his katana, ready to draw out his sword and slash down at that bastard who dared to mouth out his name so casually. His movement was slow and even as he was waiting for the right moment to strike._

"_Now!" He turned around and slashed down his sword at full force, but was stopped when something clashed into his weapon. He looked up and saw another sword blocking his attack. His eyes narrowed as his emotionless eyes were fixed on that grin plastered on that person's face. His frown deepened. That grin was starting to annoy him._

"_One more time and you are going to see the gates of Heaven next." He hissed, lowering his sword and sheathing back._

"_Scary as usual, Yuu." _

"_You do not sound frightened to me, Zashiki." He spoke coldly. Zashiki just smiled and laughed out loud, treating this like a joke, which annoyed Kanda even more._

"_What's so funny, Zashiki?" Zashiki just coughed and kept his laugh back to himself as he shrugged._

"_Well, you look and sound different today, Yuu, so I want to be the first to check it out what makes this stoic samurai changes his mood today." He sneered, adding some sarcasm, as he played with his white hair which had the same length as Kanda._

"_Your wish has been granted, apparently." Kanda said, totally uninterested in this conversation as he started to walk away. The forest floor was damp from the rain last night and he had trained enough. It was time to go back._

"_Wait, Yuu. Can't we just chat like friends?"_

"_Are we even friends, Zashiki?" Silence greeted them as dry leaves fell onto the ground almost silently. Kanda looked at the white-haired samurai from the corner of his eye, realising that he was acting weird._

"_What happened?" _

"_What do you mean by that?" Zashiki walked up to Kanda in quick steps and gripped his collar, slamming him onto a nearby tree hardly._

"_Something must have happened. You are not like that. You are not, Yuu."_

"_Let me go." That empty, dead eyes were warning him to let go, before he did something worse to him. The white and the raven strands were mixed together, entangled._

"_Did that bastard do something to you? Did he?" Zashiki hissed lowly, bringing out the tone of anger that was about to blow up. The brown and yellow leaves shuffled on the ground, with the help of the wind._

"_Watch what you are saying, Zashiki. He is our Master, the one we serve."_

"_Would a father do terrible things to his son, using him as a puppet and venting out his frustration and anger on him whenever he likes it?" Kanda's eyes narrowed as veins were seen protruding out of his temples. He pulled out his sword immediately and gave a random attack towards Zashiki. The white-haired samurai jumped back and managed to dodge before the whole place exploded, blowing up dust and small particles into the air. The dust cleared and Kanda was standing there, pointing his sword right at his throat._

"_If you say all these nonsense again, I will kill you with no hesitation, Zashiki, and trust me, I mean it." He warned, as his raven hair fluttered in the wind. The face expression did not change as he sheathed his sword and walked away. Zashiki just looked at him before he sighed, brushing his fringe through his fingers, staring at that lonely view the raven-haired samurai portrayed._

"_You never change, Yuu. How long are you going to be trapped in that devil's grasp?"_

"_You are back, Kanda-sama." He just walked past, not intending to answer them back. They were just servants who worked for the Family, and to him, they were of no significance. His black vest was soaked from the perspiration and he went back to his room. He grabbed the towel on his bed and entered the washroom. He then took off all his clothes and stepped into the showers._

"_Kanda-sama, we have already laden a new fresh set of clothes for you." Again, he did not intend to reply, as lukewarm water drenched his smelling body, washing away all the smell and dirt. The water vapour blurred the mirror and the glass of the shower room as light scent of lotus soap filled the washroom. He scrubbed his hair evenly and gently as he stood under the shower, feeling the foam travelling down his body and into the drain._

"_Something must have happened. You are not like that. You are not, Yuu."_

_He squeezed the body shampoo onto his hand as he started to wash his body. He frowned as he looked at the brand of the shampoo._

"_Would a father do terrible things to his son, using him as a puppet and venting out his frustration and anger on him whenever he likes it?"_

_He turned off the shower as he opened the glass doors, his warm feet stepping onto the cold tiles. Kanda wrapped the towel around his lower body as he walked out of the washroom, finding his clothes placed neatly on his bed. He let the white towel slid down onto the floor as he started to dress up._

_Damn, why did Zashiki's words affect him so much?_

"_Kanda-sama, the Master wants to meet you later at the dining room. The three guardians would also be there as well." Kanda stared at the mirror and looked at the black uniform that was zipped up to his neck. He took the white gloves and wore them as he took Mugen and strapped it at his waist. He took some belongings with him as he opened the door and went out, closing it behind him. Two masked people were already standing there, waiting for him. They bowed as they saw him, and gestured for him to follow._

"_That's Kanda Yuu, the leader of the four Elites."_

"_Ah. It's really such a great honour meeting him in person."_

"_Yeah. You can hardly get to meet him here. Earl-sama has high hopes for him."_

"_We are here, Kanda-sama." Kanda stopped walking as he stood at the wide entrance, looking inside. The table was laden with food, and everyone was already present._

"_Late as usual?" A person having red spiky hair and a thin ponytail at his back sneered, mocking at him._

"_Hey, what tone is that when you are speaking to our leader, Scrape?!?" Zashiki hissed, glaring at him._

"_What, are you unhappy with me, you shrimp?" Scrape slammed the table as he stood up, glaring back at him._

"_Shut up, the two of you. You are noisy."_

"_What, Uno? You have something to add on?" Scrape asked, angry. The teenage girl just giggled as she adjusted her black cap on her head, showing her short purple strands at the side of her face and hiding the rest of her hair inside her cap. She took a silver fork at the side of her empty plate and just knocked it gently on a glass wine cup, making high-pitched ringing sounds. She giggled again, amused._

"_Please quieten down, all of you, and return to your seat. You may sit down too, Yuu-kun." The Earl spoke with authority, as everyone abided._

"_Yes." Kanda replied as he went to his seat beside Uno and sat down._

"_Now, what matter is so urgent that the Earl wants to have a meeting at this point of time?" Zashiki asked._

"_What, wanting all the credit?" Scrape spat out and laughed, rolling his eyes and making a clown look on his face, making fun of him._

"_What the hell did you say?!?" Uno looked at them and giggled again._

"_Shut up." The table was silent as everyone turned to the dominant one who finally spoke out._

"_What?" Scrape hissed, glaring at Kanda. "You do not have the right to talk here..."_

"_Which Japanese words couldn't you understand, Scrape?" Kanda spoke calmly and looked up, the empty blue sapphire eyes staring straight at him, sending a piercing cold feeling down his body as his first warning. Scrape shut his mouth immediately and just turned away, muttering something under his breath. Zashiki just looked at Kanda in admiration, as Uno just smiled, and the Earl raised his eyebrow. Kanda then peered at his food and continued to eat his breakfast like nothing had happened._

"_Now, shall we start the meeting?"_

_-_

"_Yuu." Somebody called him. He stopped walking, not bothering to turn around and face the person calling him, but he knew more than himself who that person was._

"_Mother." A tall, elegant lady walked to him and put her hands onto his shoulders. Kanda flinched for a moment, before he relaxed himself. She walked to the front and faced him, smiling._

"_How is your day, Yuu? Did you miss Mama?" Kanda did not reply, his gaze always looking at the front and not at his mother. The lady just smiled and stroked his soft hair down his earlobes, caressing his face with her smooth, warm touch._

"_Yuu, I miss you, Yuu." She continued her caressing, having that same gentle smile on her face, as she gave a gentle look at her beloved son. She then wrapped her arms around his back and hugged him. Kanda's expression still did not change at all. His focus would forever be at the front instead of looking at her._

"_Mother, I have to go." Kanda spoke. His mother released him immediately as Kanda started to walk away without signs of hesitation, away from his mother. The lady just wrapped her shawl around her shoulders and waved back to her son, telling him to have a good day. Kanda continued to move forward, and turned left. His solitary footsteps echoed through the distance before he stopped again. In the shadows, stood a person who was leaning against a wall._

"_You never change since the day I took care of you, Yuu." Kanda slowly turned his head to where the person was._

"_Yamamoto?" The person walked out of his place, taking his black hat off his head as he smiled. He was wearing a suit and he had dark curls._

"_And you are still as alert as ever, Yuu."_

"_Why are you here, Yamamoto?" Yamamoto chuckled as he took a cigarette and smoked._

"_Is there a reason needed for a teacher to visit his student?" Kanda just frowned slightly, his raven hair resting behind his back silently. Suddenly, the black figure disappeared in a flash, which startled Kanda a little, as the samurai looked around all corners, alert._

"_Yuu..." Kanda turned around quickly and saw the quick flash of his presence appeared right behind him. His eyes were focused as Kanda pulled out his sword immediately and deflected the attack from his teacher in time, causing his feet to shuffle backwards before coming to a halt. The two of them just stared at each other face to face before Kanda realised what had happened and quickly jumped back before Yamamoto slid his weapon into him. Kanda landed a few distances away, looking at him, while Yamamoto just sighed as he noticed some small cuts on his suit._

"_You have improved, Yuu. Looks like you are going to surpass your teacher in no time! Isn't that great? Hahaha!" He put his hands on his waist and laughed loudly._

"_You should not be here, Yamamoto. The Noah Family currently has assigned tasks to do, right?" Kanda asked, walking towards him._

"_Ah, but it's almost done. Momo's settling the last part, so I thought of returning here earlier to come and visit my cute student!" Yamamoto grinned as he replied. Kanda was patting off the dust on his uniform as he sheathed back his sword. The black markings at his eyes were more visible in the sunlight shining through the openings of their base as Kanda tidied his long hair and said, "Don't call me cute, Yamamoto. It's disgusting." Yamamoto's grin fell as he pouted, having a sulking look on his face._

"_Yuu you meanie!"_

"_Shut up, Yamamoto." Kanda said with emotionless tone._

"_Anyway, you should not treat her like that. She is your mother after all." Kanda flinched slightly to this sentence, which was caught by Yamamoto._

"_We should not have emotions in our way. You should know this better than I do." Kanda replied coldly, as he started to walk away slowly but in a firm manner, having the confident and determined look that would not be wavered easily. Yamamoto just looked at his back view and shook his head. Once that guy had his resolve, no one would be able to change his mind. Somehow this reminded him of how the Millennium Earl worked._

"_Well, the both of them are rather similar."_

_-_

_"I should not treat Mother like that...is it?" Kanda murmured softly. He sighed as he looked at the family portrait in the photo frame. It had his father, his mother and himself when he was just four years old. Both of them were smiling to him as they cradled their beloved and precious child in their arms..._

_That was why he hated portraits in the first place. That dream...had already shattered long ago._

_It was not there anymore. It had stopped existing. Father and Mother's joyful voices were not there anymore._

_He could say that his parents existed, and did not exist in reality, but this did not matter anymore._

_The result, would still be the same._

_

* * *

_

"My...important..." He slowly opened his eyes slightly, but the glare was simply too bright, and he felt too sleepy. Those voices continued to travel through his ears and into his mind as he closed his eyes once again, slipping into his memories.

"My...important..."

* * *

_He could not get him off his mind. No matter where he went, that image and that gentle voice continued to follow him._

_That eyes, that face, that smile, and his voice, all filled his mind vividly._

"_Yuu..."_

_Kanda closed his eyes and let out a sigh as he brushed off the strands of his hair that was blocking his vision. He looked at the sunset outside at the balcony situated in his room. The reddish-orange sun was descending behind the mountains, getting ready for its sleep. He held out his hand and touched on the gloves._

_(Recall)_

"_Yuu, why are you wearing these gloves? The four elite guardians do not need these as part of our uniform." Zashiki asked, pointing to the white gloves that he was wearing._

"_It's none of your business." Kanda spoke coldly. Zashiki just made a face and turned around, sticking out his tongue at him._

"_Fine, fine! If that's what you want, Kanda Yuu, I will not ask further!" He walked away in a huff, leaving the raven-haired samurai there, staring at the pair of white gloves. He had wondered himself why he was wearing these useless stuffs that would not help him in combats or anything at all. He wanted to throw them away, but he realised he could not do it._

_(End of recall)_

_That scent carried in that pair of white gloves...reminded him of his presence. The scent emitted from his body...was the same. He took them off his hands and held them close to his nose, sniffing the sweet scent lingering._

_That boy, whose hair was as white as snow..._

"_My...important..."_

_-_

"_Yuu..."_

_"Who are you?"_

"_Hello. You are Yuu right?" He smiled as he approached him casually, stretching out his hand. His white shoulder-length hair stood out among the crowd as the strands floated along the blows of the wind._

_It was just...too similar._

_"I'm Allen, Kanda."_

"_I'm Al, and nice to meet you, Yuu."_

_

* * *

_

Kanda was lying on his bed in his room, asleep. Evening was reaching their place, as the sun was setting behind the mountains, creating a deep red horizon that shone above the sky. The birds chirped as they flew across the broad white sheets stained with redness, back to their nests and rest for the day. The soft breathings from Kanda could be heard as he buried himself deeper into his blankets, hiding his tired face from the evening light, sleeping soundly.

As the light, transparent curtains fluttered along the invisible waves of the wind, someone was hiding there, as he emerged into view, his dark skin blended into the dim room. He slowly approached the sleeping one at the corner, as he put his hand onto his cheek.

"We meet again...my student."

* * *

This is the real past of Kanda before he became an Exorcist. In this chapter, he was going to have his normal check-up on his body, and when he slept, images of his pastime memories started to play in his mind. The darkest side of the truth will be reveal once again. More of Kanda's past revealed in the next chapter! Please look forward to it and most importantly, read and review!

There is a reason why Kanda called him 'Yamamoto' instead of 'Tyki' in the past, but I shall not tell you...for now! :D

I do not know when I would end this story, but I just go on with the flow, so when my mind says that this story is coming to an end, it will come to an end! :D

For now, enjoy! I would be focusing more on Kanda in the next few chapters, so there will be lesser scenes of Allen! Gomen gomen!! DD: And I know that there are some parts that are rather weird, but they seem to be able to fit in this story so I just leave it :/ Ask any questions in the review section if you have any doubts in this story, and I will answer them :)

And sorry for spelling and grammar mistakes! D:

Singingblues

Note: Those sentences in _italics _are the recollections of Kanda's past and the present scenes are not in italics, but there are further more recollections in his past memories, so in order not to let all of you readers be confused, I have put (recall) to let all of you know that Kanda is recalling something. Hope this does not confuse you all :)

Please review ~ They make me happy ~


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